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Old 05-03-2012, 12:32 PM   #1
GRIFFIN
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The official GRIFFIN story time thread - (NWS Text)

Well, i had a friend stay over, and i had a video on my phone and if i pause at the a certain time we can see down this girls top, and my friend got aroused by it. He suggested that we masturbated under the covers (it was dark and 3am), while he looked at the image on my phone and i imagined my girlfriend, we both got erections, he began to masturbate under the covers and so did i, but we found it hard to masturbate under the covers because of the lack of space, and because it was dark he suggested that we took the covers off, and we did, and began to masturbate more, his hand was barely moving, whilst mine was moving quite alot which suggested i had a bigger penis, he then took my phone and said "hm rate my penis.." and shined it on it, it was much smaller than mine, i only got a glimpse and looked away in disgust, and then he asked to look at mine and shined the phone at it i turned over quickly so he couldnt look but decided he could look if he wanted, time went on and i was the first to ejaculate, not to long after wards he ejaculated too and we went on for a second time, however i don't see this as a homosexual experience, but i do regret it. I have pondered my sexuality as bisexual but im alot more attracted to females than males so i've decided im straight, but how do i get over the regret of this experience and is my friend gay?

i will say this once though, i am NOT gay, i have girlfriend.
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I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:36 PM   #2
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Why can't you be like a normal fanatic?

I'm pretty sure you've just violated one or two, hard and fast rules...no pun intended.

Couldn't read it all, but skimmed further than I should have.

Move for ban.
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:36 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by dmax View Post
Why can't you be like a normal fanatic?

I'm pretty sure you've just violated one or two, hard and fast rules...no pun intended.

Couldn't read it all, but skimmed further than I should have.

Move for ban.
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Quote:
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I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:38 PM   #4
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Had a gf of 2 years,(was 14 at the time) losing my v's this day. Got hard, jacket was put on awkwardly, then got ontop to start pumping.
Wasn't sure what to expect, started slow and continued to smash.
About 1-2 minutes in to smash, realise door was slightly open.(didn't know anyone was home)
She told me not to worry about it, so continued smashing(almost blowing batter at every pump)
Asks to go ontop, does so awkward as phuck again.
not to mention she was talking all throughout.

20 seconds later, door opens suddenly whilst she is riding reverse cowgirl.
Mum & Dad continue to enter room.
Next 2 hours spent explaining & getting lectured. Feltbadman.jpg
Parents called her parents to come pick her up,
Broke up 2 weeks later (srs)


Tell me your stories brahs,

Killing time at work lulz

Cliffs:
-Was 14 losing virginity
-Pumping reverse cowgirl
-Parents come in
-First time cut short &
-Dumped 2 weeks later
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I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:39 PM   #5
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Was about a week after my gf of 3.5 years dumped me, I was depressed and horny so I hit up this 4/10 on facebook I knew liked me but I hadn't talked to for years. She instantly was down to hang out, so I met her DT on a Wednesday and we had a few beers. I was drunk enough to go for it so I took her for a walk by the river which was right outside the bar.
Shes nervous, won't make eye contact, and we walked for like 20 minutes, at an extremely fast pace that she set because she was so nervous and awkward. I go for the kiss, and she jumps at me, bites my face a bunch (not just my lips, but my whole face hurt the next day). I should quit now right? Phuck that, I'm a trooper.
Bring her back to my car, tell her to take off her shirt, she does (also make her take off her bra because I can't do that ****) and she reveals these disgusting ****. One was an innie, and they were really pointy. When I touched them, they were super firm like those stress balls at walmart. She had never been past making out with a guy, so every time I touched her she let out these horrible manly moans. But I troop forward.
Tell her to take off her pants, shes moaning whenever I touch her so I go to take off her panties. I bring them down like an inch and a ball of fur the likes of which God had never intended to create was revealed to me. Srsly cannot exaggerate the amount of bush this girl had, so I pulled them right back up in the same smooth motion that took them down.
I go to finger her (putting my hand in a weird arch so that I wouldn't have to see her bush at all, I get one knuckle and she cries that it hurts. Now I'm intrigued... I start rubbing over her panties and eventually she comes with this horrible squeely sound.
I tell her to get dressed, and remind her "I know we talked about this earlier... but I'm REALLY not looking for a girlfriend right now". Dropped her off at home, and felt ashamed for months.

CLIFFS:

Read it or don't, but its worth it.
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I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:39 PM   #6
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What's this about a brownie in motion?
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:40 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmax View Post
Why can't you be like a normal fanatic?

I'm pretty sure you've just violated one or two, hard and fast rules...no pun intended.

Couldn't read it all, but skimmed further than I should have.

Move for ban.
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:41 PM   #8
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I was once fingering this girl's ass to get her loosened up for anal and I will never know for sure but I'm 95% sure I felt a turd. B1tch was true 10/10 though so I persevered.

Stole this bad dude's girl and she ended up being a closet chubb-o. Didn't know until it was too late when she pulled her shirt off. Pity fukked for like 10 minutes but I think she knew it cause she wanted to stop. Asked her to blow me to finish off and she started crying so I kicked her out lol. Then I had this fukking guy after me for like 2 months until he killed a girl (not the girl I was with) and buried her in the woods. Dead fukking srs and instantly people knew why I was so shook about fighting the guy. He's in prison I'm assuming for life.

My sis was still living at my dad's and had a party when he went away for the weekend. I met some little prosti-tot sloot and went to the guest room (what was once my room). Fukked the chit out of her, rolled her doggy and "hotdog in a bun" 'd my dick in her ass crack and shot a load up her back. Fell asleep next to her and woke up with her all cuddled up on me. Got dressed in the dark and went home before seeing the dried blood ALL OVER my hands and dick. To this day that chick swears she wasn't on the rag that night so I must have done a number on her (and no she was definitely not a virgin). My sis got in trouble for the party and I remember my dad telling me one of her friends that slept over must have had an accident in the guest room bed lol.

Ate a pvssy that tasted like straight sour cream for a minute.

Fukked an ex in the back seat of a car while her friend drove fingering herself to hearing us.

2 weeks after I got married I got my first threesome. Never saw it coming even though I wanted it too so I was trashed drunk and couldn't stay hard for anything. Chit just ended abruptly and we never attempted with that friend again.

Next time my wife had a friend down (little less than a year later) I convinced her to let her friend join us. That friend comes down from time to time still for weekends.

My wife told me the other night she wants me to go out and get laid and then come back and describe it to her. Still wondering if it's a trap but I don't think it is. Now I need to figure out where I can pick up some sloot with zero dating when I don't drink.
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I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:45 PM   #9
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>Long-term gf just broke up with me
>At coffee shop trying to think of how to get my **** together
>notice cute girl is has been looking at me for some time
>smile at her and wave a little
>go back to staring at my coffee
>lock up to see her sitting next to me
>asks me what's wrong
>little reluctant, think it's a trick
>It isn't
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>she was dumped recently too
>accidentally stare at her cleavage as she's talking
>start to get hard
>feel a hand run up my leg
>see her breathing a bit hard
>asks if I like what I see
>guide her hand to my zipper
>she unzips my fanny pack by mistake
>spaghetti falls out
>try to clean it up with my sock
>start to cry
>get embarrassed and fart watery diarrhea all over my man skirt
>smear **** all over the window and ask her to marry me
>mfw she said no
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:45 PM   #10
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>Cute girl in line in behind me
>"Hey, how are you doing?"
>oh **** conversation
>"Oh, I'm good, and you?"
>"That's good, are you busy this Saturday?"
>"I, don't think so"
>She points to ear
>Wearing a bluetooth headset
>It all makes sense
>Drop my items and put my hands in pockets
>There's a hole in my pocket
>Spaghetti trickles down my leg from my shorts
>Shorts are no longer comfy and easy to wear
>mfw
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:45 PM   #11
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This cute little dark blonde girl and I had been drinking all day, we started sometime around 10am. Well at some point late that afternoon we decided to go to the bar where we had met the night before. Well after awhile of dancing and having fun we decided to go back to my place. The night before we were going to fuk but we had a little to much to drink and just passed out. We get back to my place and I flip on the lights to the pool and dive in. She was in the house changing into her bathing suite. She finally comes out with a drink for both of us and gets in the pool. We start making out and I pulled her close, grabing her a$$ and anything else I could. Well I get her near the steps of the pool and I pull her bottoms off. She was closely trimed but not shaved. I thought damn the pu$$y looks great I think I will go down on this chic. She had nice pink lips with no extra skin or anything. I stick my face down there and dive right in, at the same time I stick my pinky as far as it will go in her little brown butthole. Well as im eating her out and I thought it taste weird but hey it could have been the chemicals in the pool. Then I get a huge lump/mouthfull of sour goop in my mouth, I pulled back and swallowed but almsot puked, it burned at 1st thin my mouth and throat went numb. I must have been making a pretty funny face because all of a sudden she says "Oh Sh!t I forgot I put a birth conrol suppository in" I said "what? Well I just ate the mother fuker!" So I run in and get the package out of the trash, it has a scull and crossbones on the back and says "if ingested call poison control immediately" So by now im sitting on the toilet and calling poison control, its about 1230am at this point. They ask me whats wrong and I tell them I had just ate a birth control suppository. She put me on hold while im sure 12 people gathered around the speaker phone to hear this. She finally comes back on and wants to know why I tried to commit suicide with a birth control suppository. I said "Im not trying to kill my self I just wanted some pu$$y" Well to make a long story short it turns out all the beer and alcohol I had earlier would pretty much protect me and allow me to just pee it out. The next day she was gone and a cop showed up at my house to see if I had really tried to kill myself.....I guess I should have just ate her a$$ out and put a finger in her pu$$y, it would have saved me a lot and I might have gotten laid.
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I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:46 PM   #12
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>Making dinner
>Start up the garlic bread
>Roll a few meatballs
>Can't find the pasta
>Rip apart the closet and cupboards
>Collapse on the floor crying
>All the spaghetti falls out of my pocket
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:49 PM   #13
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Professor,
My anus quivers with emotion. This assignment came at the perfect time.

This past weekend, I had a party at my home. It was a conservative party, involving the usual drugs and hookers. Most of which were born women, so that's a plus.
To explain the full spectrum of friends I have, I must take you to the past. Before my party. Before the weekend.

As a host, I had to make sure enough alcohol, food, and chloroform were provided. That called for a quick run to the store. This is where my Friday got interesting. Getting to Vons, things quickly got ****ed up as I tripped an old lady. She was carrying bags with her filled groceries. The sheer force of her impact onto the floor was enough to make us standing around her cringe in agony and comedy. Skirt in the air, cooch shown, bags ripped apart and torn, contents flying. Nothing at that time could make it funnier to me. This old piece of **** human appeared dead. Thinking I killed her, I texted Jay claiming my early victory.
Bad move. The pre-historic nasty twat clipped me in the knee with her walker, from the ground. A kick to the face was imminent. I was extremely pissed that no one thought much of it. What have we come to? A ***** hits me in the leg, and suddenly no one wants to point the finger? Perhaps this should be discussed in next week's post.
After collecting her bloody dentures from the floor, I apologized for not seeing her lying there, completely frightened and humid (She urinated herself. Old people do that. Wtf?). As she raised to half of my height, I agreed in helping pick up her groceries. Four tubes of Vaseline and half a dozen bananas later, I was on my way. Carefully walking towards the Beverages isle.
Entering it, I knew the ***** was about to smell. You know when a sexy woman spreads her legs and tells you to "Dig in."? That's how I felt. I could sense the plethora of Ale. I could see the Amber colored rainbow perfectly distributed among the shelves. Bliss. Nothing could ruin that moment for me. I farted even.
The little kid and his mom looked at me funny. "Excuse the **** out of me." I said, aggravated by this sudden sensitivity involving farts. She calmly left, I assume in respect to my size and utter look of hate.
As I reached to grab a couple of 36 packs, Justin Bieber began to play in the background. And by background I mean my pocket. "Baby, baby, baby oohhh," my phone was ringing. It was Jay, inquiring if I had at gotten her number. "Yeah, Granny Anal FTW."
Jay asked me if she had a daughter, and possibly an even younger granddaughter. Now mind you, if there's one thing you should know about Jay it's that has a "soft spot" MILFs and JB. If you're wondering why soft spot is in quotes it's because it is a frequent player in Jay's rhetoric. As he says, and reminded me on the phone, "Nothing's better than sticking it to a girl in her soft spot while her mom licks my butt hole."
Now all this talk on the phone about anal play was starting to get me aroused again. Although I had just had my way with the old lady, I have quite a quick recovery time and between you and me, I started to get wood right there in middle of the alcohol isle. Unfortunately the employee who was sweeping the floor noticed when he walked by. I saw him give me a second look and I knew it was game time. As I turned toward him our eyes locked and I give him the "time to ****" stare. He tried to take off and run, but tripped over his dry mop. He fell to the ground, unable to catch himself. He was on his knees and his face was down, much like my pants. Pretending I wasn't doing anything wrong, the lowering of balls into mouth took place. "Warm" and "wet" were the adjectives in my head. The poor employee had no idea how to react. His natural instinct to lick, blow, and pull seemed right on and showed a fake sense of experience. I was WAY too confused for this ****.
I quickly did the 1-2 zipping up the jeans, and calmly walked over to the Palace of Beer. Wondering about what beer to get, I gave Kalim, the Spam Master himself, to ask for insight on the Golden Shower-like substance. "Hey bud, how you doing?", I politely said.

Kalim, being abnoxious, told me to "Swab the decks, you land lubber!!!" while his parrot took a fat dumb on my chest. Oh how I loved it. Then a wild snorelax appeared... I was startled at first, but remembering the Ultraballs, I threw them. I picked up about five cases of Bud-Light from the teller whom I swiftly groped. The "it" was not pleased. "It" was named Apubeala and had a long thick mustache wrapping around his hairy moobs. I am not too sure what "moobs" are, but I know I do not appreciate them. I carried on my way out the door in a jolly fashion, only to find yet ANOTHER wild snorelax, although this one was not sleeping. He was terrorizing a Somali pirate! I thought this pirate was just a werewolf trying to rob the snorelax at first, but I was obviously mistaken. Once the dust settled, I asked the Somali his name. His name was Paw of South. He drove a black E46, a common pirate ship with two outboard motors, with a banana hammock on. This banana hammock was not ordinary, as it was covered in small white animals he called "crabdillions." Not being sure of what those were, I started to shoot at them like any American would. I galloped..
Well I lost my train of thought...

oh right!

I started to run this train on my grandmother... oh wait no..

I galloped toward my airplane(Zepplin for you uneducated souls) with a man named Bear Grills at the helm. He was half bear. Half Weber Grill. All awesome. He turned to me and said "You're moving with your Aunt and Uncle in Bel air."

After a calm and smooth take off, I turned to the ground to see multiple taxis, but they were all driven by the Somali pirates attacking the sleeping snorelax family. I cried tears, but soon lost my train of thought, yet again, and leapt into my little Jaybear's lap. Jaybear is not to be confused with Jay, as Jaybear is my little 12 year old lovechild. Have you ever seen the movie Bruno? Yeah, that whole first 30 minutes is myself and Jaybear. I pulled down Jaybear's pants and slipped on a latex glove. "I know you're only twelve," I said to Jaybear "But later in life you're going to have to under go some colonoscopies and you should start getting ready for them now." Before Jaybear had time to ask what a colonoscopy was I had lubed up my gloved index finger and inserted it into his anus. As soon as my finger penetrated I felt something strange. Instead of the soft smooth lining of a colon, I felt something hard an pointy. I was just barely able to wrap my finger around the object, and with a warning to Jaybear to close his eyes and push, I yanked like a fisherman with a hook in a trout's mouth. Jaybear's tight anus released it's grasp on the object and out it flew, striking me in the forehead. Unfortunately what followed it out was plethora of fecal matter that also struck me. When I wiped the crap out of my eyes I was able to get a closer look at what it was. "By Jove!" I exclaimed. It was a diamond the size of a golf ball. It was then that it struck me that Jaybear's parents must have hidden it in his anus when I rescued Jaybear by sneaking him out of a forced labor camp at a diamond mine in Sierra Leone. If only Kanye West could see us now.

The fleeting thought of Kanye West and his past success with a relevant song made me think. Why should't Kanye hear about this success story. After cleaning myself and Jaybear up I searched the google till I found Kanye's official website. Mind you, it was quite hard to find hidden between all the reposts of Gay Fish and Kanye's VMA Downfall video. When I got to his website I wrote an email to Kanye expounding my amazing story of heroism and rescue. Surely, I thought, I'd be proclaimed a real life Leonardo DiCaprio and fame and fortune would be mine, if it wasn't already from the diamond I had found in Jaybear.

A few hours had passed and I had no word from Kanye; however, it was the weekend and my spirits were high. As with every weekend I thought a party was in order. At that point in time, the whole crew was at my little box social. Jaybear was in the Kitchen flirting with MILFs; Kalim was at my computer spamming the forums and his eagle was drinking straight out of the cooler of jungle juice; Chad was outside showing people his personalized license plate that said "tifsbsh"; Lane was doing laps around my dining room table on his fixie; Anto was serving everyone frozen yogurt; and Dave was trying to find a girl he could PITB with. Just then there was a knock on my door. When opened, there stood the magnificent, radiant image of an opulently dressed Jay. Enticement. Oh sweet erection. "Come on in, you ****ing hot juice tree." No Asian can refuse such invite.

Little did I know he had brought some of San Diego's finest. And worst, for that matter. I won't separate the groups. Irrelevant now. However, most of your questions will be answered as I continue to explain the events. It was now around 4pm, and we were getting pumped. Justin was already hammered as ****, hitting on Bela, my Golden Retriever, thinking she was a blonde ready for the Raw Dog. Weird. Nick, Chris, Nicole, Kyle, Sophia, Amir, Amir (there are 2 of these little ****ers), Troy, Carlos, Dmitri, Andrew, Brandon, Alex, Craig and Gustav were ****ing each other in my room. No condoms to be seen. Can you say "Hardcore"?

The night continued on. My house become a village for homeless people. At least that's how it felt. Beer can rivers flowing from my bathtub, my pool, illuminated by under water lights, glowed red. Period from Nick's date I believe. **** got nasty. And quick. A game of "Truth of Dare" emerged somehow, and Nick was the first to go. "Dare", Nick said with a false sense of confidence. "I dare you to plug Jay".

What the ****

"Sure."

"Not again." Jay was pouting.

It was one of the top 12 most disgusting things I had ever seen. The feces was just... oozing out.
Moving on.
After about 3 hours of gay love and seeing Justin make out with my dog for about half of it, I headed inside to entertain the Indian chick with the tig ol' bitties. They were... nice. But that's for another NWS thread.

So that night was pretty nuts. I thought things were going fine, you know, being with all the Asian Women and stuff. Little did I know that **** was about to get ****ed up. Everywhere. These white boys in their BMW's showed up at my crib, looking for some serious business, talkin'bout "Wanna buy some Watches *****es??" and ****. By the time I even realized what the **** was going on, one of my home boyz already pulled out his Handguns, dual-wielding that **** like ****ing Wesley Snipes. In the meantime, I go looking for my Rifles and Shotguns, you know, cuz I'm a ****ing baller like that, and don't **** around. To hide my weapons from all the trolls at my place, I keep my bullets and cannons in one of my many Nice Couches, purchased at an antique store, very well known in my neighborhood. The owner has a nice family. They came over after I bought the couches for dinner once, so that I could show them my many thanks. Anyway, after we shot those mother****ers, we needed to dispose of the bodies. Having run out of body bags the previous week, I had to make do with whatever I had at hand. Thought about cutting the bodies and using pillow cases, but I love me mah pillows, and no one ****s with them. So we went into Nana's room and asked her for her Clean Sheets. They are nice and soft, and usually of the color white. If we were about to ****ing cut these pricks up and carry them around in our E46's, there was no god damn way we were gonna do it sober. So I had Jay run to the store and use one of his gift cards for the Liquor Store at the corner. That little asian circus monkey came back half **** faced, half high on poon juice. The only positive side was what he brought with him. Whiskey and Beer. The "**** and Ass" of an alcoholic. Wasting no time, we finished that **** off, cuz we cool. Nick pulled a Jay, in honor of the Great Filipino, and immediately began Chugging any liquid available. Craig then asked why Nick was milking his dick. Oh well. We quickly got over that after the semen in the form of drops reached Craig's Sandals. Now that was a bit more difficult to get over, since jizz was involved. But nothing like some Rockstars and Monsters to get over homosexual acts. In reality, any Caffeine in general will do the trick. As long as it's in my mouth, I do not care the origin. After driving drunk to the cemetery (a proper burial was needed), we discovered a lack of shovels was our current predicament. We had to use Nick's Shrek-like hands to dig the holes. Took longer than we figured, but still an enjoyable experience. We got home shortly after being done. After such an intense series of events, nothing really was doing the job of entertainment for us, since we ran out of blow that morning before Church. So we decided to hit Teh internetz. We kept searching for panda porn, but kept coming across Honda Forums. We became lost at that point. Now, as you can imagine, we were tired as cocks after sex. Naps were mandatory. Now as some of you may know, San Diego is a widely nice city. To prove such, Carlos, The Mexican, stormed in the house looking for some dude who called me a Beaner. We were also lost at that point. Quickly, Nick said: "¡Callete pendejo!". Carlos was nice enough to bring us some of his mother's best Messican Food. Then we all ****ed Nicolette.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:00 PM   #14
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>Long-term gf just broke up with me
>At coffee shop trying to think of how to get my **** together
>notice cute girl is has been looking at me for some time
>smile at her and wave a little
>go back to staring at my coffee
>lock up to see her sitting next to me
>asks me what's wrong
>little reluctant, think it's a trick
>It isn't
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>she was dumped recently too
>accidentally stare at her cleavage as she's talking
>start to get hard
>feel a hand run up my leg
>see her breathing a bit hard
>asks if I like what I see
>guide her hand to my zipper
>she unzips my fanny pack by mistake
>spaghetti falls out
>try to clean it up with my sock
>start to cry
>get embarrassed and fart watery diarrhea all over my man skirt
>smear **** all over the window and ask her to marry me
>mfw she said no
had me in tears i was laughing so hard
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:03 PM   #15
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:06 PM   #16
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:10 PM   #17
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:24 PM   #18
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- 17 at the, she was 18 (still underaged for drinking, but who listens?)
- we were all hanging out in front of court at night (big parking lot sorta like a tailgate party) people having a few drinks. i wasn't drinking, but driving
- she is pretty drunk, giving me the "i wants some cawk" look, with drunkenness comes needing to pee. (insert creepy jacknicholson gif)
-she refuses to pee behind the building, so i bring her to a gas station and come back no prob. (a bit beta and WK now that i think about it but w/e)
-next time she needs to pee, gas station was closed, so i go to a shady pizza place, she was getting impatient.
-she goes in pizza place and comes out and says she gotta go home now
-i figured she got sick, but brought her home anyway with no questions asked (she had a breathing reflex problem and needed to be hooked up to a respirator to sleep, passing out in random places meant death to her)
-she runs into her house and i notice the seat of her pants was dark.(parking lot in pizza place had poor lighting)
-feel passenger seal, its wet.
-bish pissed in my car
-calls me next day and apologizes about leaving like she did, as she was "sooo sick"
-i'm like yeah right, w/e dont do it again.

luckily febreeze was invented that summer, i sprayed a whole bottle on that seat.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:28 PM   #19
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I've waited a long time for this thread...
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:29 PM   #20
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I've waited a long time for this thread...
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