E46 BMW Social Directory E46 FAQ 3-Series Discussion Forums BMW Photo Gallery BMW 3-Series Technical Information E46 Fanatics - The Ultimate BMW Resource BMW Vendors General E46 Forum The Tire Rack's Tire Wheel Forum Forced Induction Forum The Off-Topic The E46 BMW Showroom For Sale, For Trade or Wanting to Buy

Welcome to the E46Fanatics forums. E46Fanatics is the premiere website for BMW 3 series owners around the world with interactive forums, a geographical enthusiast directory, photo galleries, and technical information for BMW enthusiasts.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   E46Fanatics > Everything Else > The Off-Topic > General Off-Topic

General Off-Topic
Everything not about BMWs. Posts must be "primetime" safe and in good taste. You must be logged in to see sub-forums.
Click here to browse all new posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 7 votes, 5.00 average. Display Modes
Old 05-03-2012, 02:02 PM   #21
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
Alright, so I'm sitting at a Mexican restaurant, El Torito, and as I arrive I notice that there aren't any appetizers on the table yet. I ask our server for some appetizers and he tells me to wait for the waiter. After the waiter arrives, I immediately ask him for the chips and salsa that's customary. He told me to have some patience and he'd get them in a few seconds after asking for drinks. So after going through this hassle and 5 minutes later he finally brings in a basket of chips and a bowl of salsa. My friends and I finished the appetizer in around 7 minutes so I call for the nearby waiter to get us more. After waiting for 5 minuted I asked another waiter for more. This waiter gave me the chips and salsa, and then a few minutes later the first waiter comes in with chips and salsa with a disgruntled look on his face. Whatever though, more for us. ******* should just do his job without attitude.

So after looking around the menu and asking the waiter about good items, I finally choose the chicken enchiladas. After 20 minutes of wait, our food finally arrives. My mouth was watering at this point and I was extraordinarily ravenous. I hastily cut into enchilada and consume a huge piece, only to be hit with a foul taste of onions. I immediately spit it out onto the floor next to me where a waiter had to run up and ask for problems. I said, "Yeah there's a problem, there's nasty onions in this thing, go remake it without onions." So the waiter cleans up the mess and takes it back.

I have to wait another 20 minutes for my chicken enchiladas, and again I go through the same process, but carefully observe enchilada for any signs of flavorful distress. I don't see anything wrong yet. So I cut into the enchilada and notice that there were still fukking onions. Apparently they also put onions in the salsa and the chef splattered the salsa to compensate for the removal of onions. I was enraged at this point. I started tapping the water glass with a spoon while screaming waiter to indicate my disdain for the horrible service. The waiter quickly runs over, sweaty at this point and with a snark face, and asks what's wrong. I told him, "there's still fukking onions in this thing, get the fukking order right this time, u fukking imbeciles."

So again, I wait 20 minutes and it finally arrives. This ******* literally hawked a lugi on top of the enchilada and I could see the foam of spit in the bowl of beans. I threw the plate on the ground and when the waiter came over, I socked him in the fukking face and left the restaurant.

Fuk waiters.

Cliffs:
-Go to El Torito for Mexican Food.
-Waiter takes forever to give us appetizers and gets angry when we ask about it.
-Order enchiladas, they have onions them so I ask them to remake it.
-The remade enchiladas still have onions so I ask them to remake it... yet again.
-Finally they arrive, but I see the lugi on it and throw the plate on the ground.
-Waiter comes over and I sock him in his face and leave the restaurant
__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:11 PM   #22
Solidjake
Zero. Oil. Leaks.
 
Solidjake's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 22,207
My Ride: 2002 330i
In for later reading. I will be ready to shed some tears.
Solidjake is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:24 PM   #23
SPDSKTR
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 2,142
My Ride: E30 with an S52
When I was about 10, my friend and I stayed up all night playing Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (which is the best Sonic, of course). I ate about three bags of microwave popcorn and a gallon of red fruit punch all by myself, because that's what you do when you're a kid and you're up all night playing Sega.

Anyways, the next morning, my grandparents took me to an indoor flea market in this big hall in the city near where I lived. I was super excited because they had old 50 cent comic books and little kids love comic books. As I was looking through them, without warning, I started puking bright pink, thick, goopy popcorn-and-punch vomit all over the floor.

Thankfully, I avoided ralphing all over the comic books (because I respected them too much to do that). My grandfather took me to the bathroom and then went back to help clean up the vomit. I was super-ashamed.

When I got back to the car, he had bought me three old Spider-Man comics to make me feel better. It was a good day.
__________________

330i/Ci Bang for the Buck Horsepower Guide
Want 5% off any BimmerBrakes.com purchase? PM me for details!
SPDSKTR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:26 PM   #24
ANREC330
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 1,083
My Ride: C6 Vette & M3
Saved for later.
ANREC330 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:29 PM   #25
DylloS
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 672
My Ride: nothing
why do you like acting like these stories are from you to trick the newbs on the site?
DylloS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:29 PM   #26
Lusticles
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Annapolis
Posts: 2,804
My Ride: 325Ci
Do you


want to see my penis
__________________
number one Audi Fan
Lusticles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:34 PM   #27
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
Quote:
Originally Posted by DylloS View Post
why do you like acting like these stories are from you to trick the newbs on the site?
I just called it the story time thread. never stated the stories are from me.

__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!

Last edited by GRIFFIN; 05-03-2012 at 02:39 PM.
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:34 PM   #28
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusticles View Post
Do you


want to see my penis
kinda
__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:43 PM   #29
Gheybe
Registered User
 
Gheybe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: San Diego/Santa Barbara
Posts: 10,189
My Ride: C6 Z06
More like when the fucck do I NOT want to see a penis.
Gheybe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:43 PM   #30
Hedges
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 431
My Ride: C63 AMG
this is odd, Griffin has typed up a whole message without any NSFW pics... something is not right here!
__________________
Hedges is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:45 PM   #31
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gheybe View Post
More like when the fucck do I NOT want to see a penis.
when the penis to mouth ratio is askew

example
__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!

Last edited by GRIFFIN; 05-03-2012 at 02:48 PM.
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:46 PM   #32
SPDSKTR
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 2,142
My Ride: E30 with an S52
This is a Halloween story:
Around year 2 of college, a friend of mine was throwing a Halloween bash. I didn't have any money for a costume so I threw some things together from my closet which included a partial clown suit and a wheelchair. I came up with the idea for "Wheels the Clown." So I get to the party and tell everyone who knows me to "Follow my lead" and not to "blow my cover." I concoct a story where, basically, I am a recent paraplegic because of a DUI wreck and I am very angry about it. I then spend the rest of the party being a COMPLETE asshole to everyone there. One thing I would do is hide behind a group of people I didn't know and wait for them to talk about a trivial annoyance in their lives (ala "My boss is such a dick") and then yell "OH YEH? Well at least you can WALK!" and then wheel myself away angrily.

My friends all thought it was hilarious. It was hilarious watching them try not to laugh. The people who knew me composed about 30% of the attendees, so there were plenty of people to prank and they all believed it. I even got one guy, who I knew but hadn't seen in a couple years, to believe I was in a wheelchair.
There were more antics, but this is getting wordy.

TL;DR: Dressed like a clown in a wheelchair and acted like an asshole.
__________________

330i/Ci Bang for the Buck Horsepower Guide
Want 5% off any BimmerBrakes.com purchase? PM me for details!
SPDSKTR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:47 PM   #33
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
this is odd, Griffin has typed up a whole message without any NSFW pics... something is not right here!
For you. NWS
__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:56 PM   #34
Cowspoo
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Chicago
Posts: 655
My Ride: 328Ci
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
Well, i had a friend stay over, and i had a video on my phone and if i pause at the a certain time we can see down this girls top, and my friend got aroused by it. He suggested that we masturbated under the covers (it was dark and 3am), while he looked at the image on my phone and i imagined my girlfriend, we both got erections, he began to masturbate under the covers and so did i, but we found it hard to masturbate under the covers because of the lack of space, and because it was dark he suggested that we took the covers off, and we did, and began to masturbate more, his hand was barely moving, whilst mine was moving quite alot which suggested i had a bigger penis, he then took my phone and said "hm rate my penis.." and shined it on it, it was much smaller than mine, i only got a glimpse and looked away in disgust, and then he asked to look at mine and shined the phone at it i turned over quickly so he couldnt look but decided he could look if he wanted, time went on and i was the first to ejaculate, not to long after wards he ejaculated too and we went on for a second time, however i don't see this as a homosexual experience, but i do regret it. I have pondered my sexuality as bisexual but im alot more attracted to females than males so i've decided im straight, but how do i get over the regret of this experience and is my friend gay?

i will say this once though, i am NOT gay, i have girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
Had a gf of 2 years,(was 14 at the time) losing my v's this day. Got hard, jacket was put on awkwardly, then got ontop to start pumping.
Wasn't sure what to expect, started slow and continued to smash.
About 1-2 minutes in to smash, realise door was slightly open.(didn't know anyone was home)
She told me not to worry about it, so continued smashing(almost blowing batter at every pump)
Asks to go ontop, does so awkward as phuck again.
not to mention she was talking all throughout.

20 seconds later, door opens suddenly whilst she is riding reverse cowgirl.
Mum & Dad continue to enter room.
Next 2 hours spent explaining & getting lectured. Feltbadman.jpg
Parents called her parents to come pick her up,
Broke up 2 weeks later (srs)


Tell me your stories brahs,

Killing time at work lulz

Cliffs:
-Was 14 losing virginity
-Pumping reverse cowgirl
-Parents come in
-First time cut short &
-Dumped 2 weeks later
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
Was about a week after my gf of 3.5 years dumped me, I was depressed and horny so I hit up this 4/10 on facebook I knew liked me but I hadn't talked to for years. She instantly was down to hang out, so I met her DT on a Wednesday and we had a few beers. I was drunk enough to go for it so I took her for a walk by the river which was right outside the bar.
Shes nervous, won't make eye contact, and we walked for like 20 minutes, at an extremely fast pace that she set because she was so nervous and awkward. I go for the kiss, and she jumps at me, bites my face a bunch (not just my lips, but my whole face hurt the next day). I should quit now right? Phuck that, I'm a trooper.
Bring her back to my car, tell her to take off her shirt, she does (also make her take off her bra because I can't do that ****) and she reveals these disgusting ****. One was an innie, and they were really pointy. When I touched them, they were super firm like those stress balls at walmart. She had never been past making out with a guy, so every time I touched her she let out these horrible manly moans. But I troop forward.
Tell her to take off her pants, shes moaning whenever I touch her so I go to take off her panties. I bring them down like an inch and a ball of fur the likes of which God had never intended to create was revealed to me. Srsly cannot exaggerate the amount of bush this girl had, so I pulled them right back up in the same smooth motion that took them down.
I go to finger her (putting my hand in a weird arch so that I wouldn't have to see her bush at all, I get one knuckle and she cries that it hurts. Now I'm intrigued... I start rubbing over her panties and eventually she comes with this horrible squeely sound.
I tell her to get dressed, and remind her "I know we talked about this earlier... but I'm REALLY not looking for a girlfriend right now". Dropped her off at home, and felt ashamed for months.

CLIFFS:

Read it or don't, but its worth it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
I was once fingering this girl's ass to get her loosened up for anal and I will never know for sure but I'm 95% sure I felt a turd. B1tch was true 10/10 though so I persevered.

Stole this bad dude's girl and she ended up being a closet chubb-o. Didn't know until it was too late when she pulled her shirt off. Pity fukked for like 10 minutes but I think she knew it cause she wanted to stop. Asked her to blow me to finish off and she started crying so I kicked her out lol. Then I had this fukking guy after me for like 2 months until he killed a girl (not the girl I was with) and buried her in the woods. Dead fukking srs and instantly people knew why I was so shook about fighting the guy. He's in prison I'm assuming for life.

My sis was still living at my dad's and had a party when he went away for the weekend. I met some little prosti-tot sloot and went to the guest room (what was once my room). Fukked the chit out of her, rolled her doggy and "hotdog in a bun" 'd my dick in her ass crack and shot a load up her back. Fell asleep next to her and woke up with her all cuddled up on me. Got dressed in the dark and went home before seeing the dried blood ALL OVER my hands and dick. To this day that chick swears she wasn't on the rag that night so I must have done a number on her (and no she was definitely not a virgin). My sis got in trouble for the party and I remember my dad telling me one of her friends that slept over must have had an accident in the guest room bed lol.

Ate a pvssy that tasted like straight sour cream for a minute.

Fukked an ex in the back seat of a car while her friend drove fingering herself to hearing us.

2 weeks after I got married I got my first threesome. Never saw it coming even though I wanted it too so I was trashed drunk and couldn't stay hard for anything. Chit just ended abruptly and we never attempted with that friend again.

Next time my wife had a friend down (little less than a year later) I convinced her to let her friend join us. That friend comes down from time to time still for weekends.

My wife told me the other night she wants me to go out and get laid and then come back and describe it to her. Still wondering if it's a trap but I don't think it is. Now I need to figure out where I can pick up some sloot with zero dating when I don't drink.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
This cute little dark blonde girl and I had been drinking all day, we started sometime around 10am. Well at some point late that afternoon we decided to go to the bar where we had met the night before. Well after awhile of dancing and having fun we decided to go back to my place. The night before we were going to fuk but we had a little to much to drink and just passed out. We get back to my place and I flip on the lights to the pool and dive in. She was in the house changing into her bathing suite. She finally comes out with a drink for both of us and gets in the pool. We start making out and I pulled her close, grabing her a$$ and anything else I could. Well I get her near the steps of the pool and I pull her bottoms off. She was closely trimed but not shaved. I thought damn the pu$$y looks great I think I will go down on this chic. She had nice pink lips with no extra skin or anything. I stick my face down there and dive right in, at the same time I stick my pinky as far as it will go in her little brown butthole. Well as im eating her out and I thought it taste weird but hey it could have been the chemicals in the pool. Then I get a huge lump/mouthfull of sour goop in my mouth, I pulled back and swallowed but almsot puked, it burned at 1st thin my mouth and throat went numb. I must have been making a pretty funny face because all of a sudden she says "Oh Sh!t I forgot I put a birth conrol suppository in" I said "what? Well I just ate the mother fuker!" So I run in and get the package out of the trash, it has a scull and crossbones on the back and says "if ingested call poison control immediately" So by now im sitting on the toilet and calling poison control, its about 1230am at this point. They ask me whats wrong and I tell them I had just ate a birth control suppository. She put me on hold while im sure 12 people gathered around the speaker phone to hear this. She finally comes back on and wants to know why I tried to commit suicide with a birth control suppository. I said "Im not trying to kill my self I just wanted some pu$$y" Well to make a long story short it turns out all the beer and alcohol I had earlier would pretty much protect me and allow me to just pee it out. The next day she was gone and a cop showed up at my house to see if I had really tried to kill myself.....I guess I should have just ate her a$$ out and put a finger in her pu$$y, it would have saved me a lot and I might have gotten laid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
- 17 at the, she was 18 (still underaged for drinking, but who listens?)
- we were all hanging out in front of court at night (big parking lot sorta like a tailgate party) people having a few drinks. i wasn't drinking, but driving
- she is pretty drunk, giving me the "i wants some cawk" look, with drunkenness comes needing to pee. (insert creepy jacknicholson gif)
-she refuses to pee behind the building, so i bring her to a gas station and come back no prob. (a bit beta and WK now that i think about it but w/e)
-next time she needs to pee, gas station was closed, so i go to a shady pizza place, she was getting impatient.
-she goes in pizza place and comes out and says she gotta go home now
-i figured she got sick, but brought her home anyway with no questions asked (she had a breathing reflex problem and needed to be hooked up to a respirator to sleep, passing out in random places meant death to her)
-she runs into her house and i notice the seat of her pants was dark.(parking lot in pizza place had poor lighting)
-feel passenger seal, its wet.
-bish pissed in my car
-calls me next day and apologizes about leaving like she did, as she was "sooo sick"
-i'm like yeah right, w/e dont do it again.

luckily febreeze was invented that summer, i sprayed a whole bottle on that seat.
All this typed in 13 minutes. Seemslegitbro.jpg
__________________
spacebarissolazy
doesntfeelikebeingpressed
Cowspoo is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:58 PM   #35
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowspoo View Post
All this typed in 13 minutes. Seemslegitbro.jpg
__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 02:58 PM   #36
Gheybe
Registered User
 
Gheybe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: San Diego/Santa Barbara
Posts: 10,189
My Ride: C6 Z06
Quote:
Originally Posted by GRIFFIN View Post
when the penis to mouth ratio is askew

example



ew a girl.
Gheybe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 03:44 PM   #37
speedcrazy1532
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 721
My Ride: is over
One time, when I was going down on this one night stand; she asked me to take a bite out of her leg.

"I want you to take a bite out of me"
"What?"
"Like right here." (taps to inner thigh)
"Like until you bleed?"
"Yeah, like I want you to take a small piece. Now that we've talked about it; surprise me don't do it right away."



2 orgasms later: I did.


And swallowed it.
__________________

-Phil
speedcrazy1532 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 03:58 PM   #38
///M3Turk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Wayne, NJ
Posts: 12,059
My Ride: M6 ,X5, R6, M5, M3
Send a message via AIM to ///M3Turk Send a message via MSN to ///M3Turk
hahahahhahahah
__________________

Firat
///M3Turk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 04:03 PM   #39
GRIFFIN
NWS
 
GRIFFIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,700
My Ride: 04 330i zsp,zpp,zcw
__________________

** Removed - Please stop - Tim330i **
*NWS GIF REMOVED*
*GIF REMOVED*
* Continuing to put animated images in your sig will get you banned - Tim330i *
**You make me so horny.- Tim330i **
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedges View Post
I can honestly say that because of Griffin, i am desensitized to alot of wierd stuff!
GRIFFIN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 05:31 PM   #40
IDriveRealSlow
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 699
My Ride: goes slow!
these stories confuse me but oddly get me aroused

feelsgoodman
__________________
IDriveRealSlow is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Censor is ON





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:20 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
(c) 1999 - 2011 performanceIX Inc - privacy policy - terms of use