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Old 10-04-2012, 07:44 PM   #81
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OK guys, I went in just as you guys advised, was calm and collected, then she started getting emotional about some stuff we shared and I got teary eyed, but didn't cry. We talked about stuff, but things dragged on, she become overloaded with feelings, and she just isn't ready to jump into a relationship because she didn't want children to endure the stigma of being muslim. Turns out, her office mates had passed some comments of how she is seeing a muslim guy and it was kind of the first time she felt like an outcast.

Anyway, I told her that it doesn't matter what anyone else says, that the only two people matter are her and I. She said she can't deal with everyone looking at her and the comments people would say. I said that you need to stop caring about others. There is an insecurity stemming from something and that is a problem she needs to deal with. She isn't moving onto other people, she was seeing this other guy, but she feels nothing for him.

I basically used the line, I can't be your plan B if you're my plan A. She knows, and she told me that she is a mess and that she needs to work on her stuff. I told her that I loved her, but this cannot continue. I told her this would be the last time we see or communicate with each other. Man that hurt more than anything I've ever done. She kissed me and I walked out.

Conversation lasted maybe 2 hrs. We talked about other stuff in the beginning ( I love talking to her).

But guys, I feel like crap telling her that and walking out. I turned around a few minutes later, knocked on her door, she took a long time to answer, I told her that I just wanted a hug, and hugged her and walked away for good.

I feel like such a douchebag for telling her that this was the last time we would be seeing or communicating.
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Old 10-04-2012, 07:46 PM   #82
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This may suck to hear, but EVERYTHING, including people, are replaceable.

For a true long-term relationship, figure out if the logistics will work before feelings mess everything up.
I had a pipeline of girls I was slowly building up, I gave them all up while seeing this girl. I hate that I am alone and have no one to be with.
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Old 10-04-2012, 07:54 PM   #83
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I had a pipeline of girls I was slowly building up, I gave them all up while seeing this girl. I hate that I am alone and have no one to be with.
I'm in the same boat (although I'm younger), and no one likes being alone. Just because you gave those girls up doesn't mean new girls can't come, and it doesn't mean you can't hit those girls up again.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:02 PM   #84
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But guys, I feel like crap telling her that and walking out. I turned around a few minutes later, knocked on her door, she took a long time to answer, I told her that I just wanted a hug, and hugged her and walked away for good.

I feel like such a douchebag for telling her that this was the last time we would be seeing or communicating.
Major props for doing this. Don't feel like a douche, if anyone should it's her for the way she acted and the reasons she acted like it. I hope this shows you her true colors and you are better off because of it.

Now the biggest thing is to keep that promise and make no contact with her, it's the only way you'll get over it.

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I had a pipeline of girls I was slowly building up, I gave them all up while seeing this girl. I hate that I am alone and have no one to be with.
If you had a line of girls at one point (which was a month ago), I'm sure that you'll first of all have at least a few of those girls still interested today and second will have no problem getting another group.

Now's the time to concentrate on yourself though and make yourself better. Don't think about being alone or being with someone, just do you.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:41 PM   #85
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I think you did the right thing. Best of luck as you continue looking for the right person for you.
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:19 PM   #86
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Well, it sounds like you did the right thing. Tough choice, but if she's not at a point to look beyond stigmas and love the man you are, you did absolutely the right thing.. Its painful, i can understand, and its a shame but its the best thing to happen and you did well.. Keep up the agreement and if she reaches out in a day or two asking to talk to you, be mentally prepared to give the right reply.. But I repeat, don't let her get back to put you in a holding pattern and drag this on asking for more time to work out her feelings etc etc. you need to move on and so does she, and now is the time to start that process.. Next few days are going to be critical, hang with your buddies, do fun things with other people, stay active, focus on work, wrench on the old bimmer, work out, go to a game etc. etc. etc.
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Old 10-05-2012, 11:36 AM   #87
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I'm in the same boat (although I'm younger), and no one likes being alone. Just because you gave those girls up doesn't mean new girls can't come, and it doesn't mean you can't hit those girls up again.
Tried that, no one responded back. Even the back up booty call

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Major props for doing this. Don't feel like a douche, if anyone should it's her for the way she acted and the reasons she acted like it. I hope this shows you her true colors and you are better off because of it.

Now the biggest thing is to keep that promise and make no contact with her, it's the only way you'll get over it.



If you had a line of girls at one point (which was a month ago), I'm sure that you'll first of all have at least a few of those girls still interested today and second will have no problem getting another group.

Now's the time to concentrate on yourself though and make yourself better. Don't think about being alone or being with someone, just do you.
I was doing me for 2 years till I found this one, I just hate going out there and the stupid bar scene, I don't even drink.

I have never said anything to make someone cry, the look on her face was so sad and something I can't get out of my mind.

I really wish things could be better & could have worked out.

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I think you did the right thing. Best of luck as you continue looking for the right person for you.
I don't feel like I did what was right. I feel like I hurt her, I have never hurt anyone in my life.

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Well, it sounds like you did the right thing. Tough choice, but if she's not at a point to look beyond stigmas and love the man you are, you did absolutely the right thing.. Its painful, i can understand, and its a shame but its the best thing to happen and you did well.. Keep up the agreement and if she reaches out in a day or two asking to talk to you, be mentally prepared to give the right reply.. But I repeat, don't let her get back to put you in a holding pattern and drag this on asking for more time to work out her feelings etc etc. you need to move on and so does she, and now is the time to start that process.. Next few days are going to be critical, hang with your buddies, do fun things with other people, stay active, focus on work, wrench on the old bimmer, work out, go to a game etc. etc. etc.
It's 11:36 AM, I just got out of bed, I feel devastated. Last night after I broke it off with her, I hung out w/ cousins and told them how I feel & the situation. I didn't feel any better.

What should I do if she reaches out? I hope that she does reach out. I miss her dearly. She was my best friend, I know it sounds lame, but we shared so much that I could honestly say that. I could talk to her about anything and we would have so much fun.

I feel devastated.
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Old 10-05-2012, 12:10 PM   #88
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Ok.....man up here bro. Let's get real.

The thought of her leaving you has ya crushed. Ego hit. I get it. But as a result in a way to make your ego feel consoled you've put her on a pedestal here.

Give us real reasons why this one girl is soooo great? Why is she 'the one' in your mind? Saying we had chemistry and a spark is great for just dating. But for something lasting you both have to have identical ideas of a future. You two clearly don't. So please help us understand what makes this one girl pedestal worthy?

Going out on a limb here, I think the fear of starting over / being alone is more devestating to you than the loss of this girl.
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Old 10-05-2012, 12:32 PM   #89
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The issue isn't how great she is. The issue is she was good enough for him to drop his guard, and started thinking emotionally rather than logically. He's completely started ignoring the negatives and will continue to do so. You have to break out of that. I know guys that have a complete cvnt of a girlfriend, that hang on to one little positive because they're so out of touch with reality with them. The old "why the hell did I do that back then" question you ask about ex's comes from thinking emotionally and ignoring the logic most men typically think with. Not age or immaturity, lack of logic. Hence why your friends and family always are right in those situations, they're objective.

OP, start writing down her negatives, and you'll start to come back to reality.
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Old 10-05-2012, 12:37 PM   #90
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Ok.....man up here bro. Let's get real.

The thought of her leaving you has ya crushed. Ego hit. I get it. But as a result in a way to make your ego feel consoled you've put her on a pedestal here.

Give us real reasons why this one girl is soooo great? Why is she 'the one' in your mind? Saying we had chemistry and a spark is great for just dating. But for something lasting you both have to have identical ideas of a future. You two clearly don't. So please help us understand what makes this one girl pedestal worthy?

Going out on a limb here, I think the fear of starting over / being alone is more devestating to you than the loss of this girl.
The only difference was religion, we bonded over many things, she lives a similar lifestyle to myself. She is outgoing and social and understands how to socialize with people just like me.

She is the most beautiful girl I have ever been with. When we go out, other women come to our table and tell her how beautiful she is.

I dress supremely well, and when her and I go out, we are like celebrities. We both want to live healthy lives and understand the importance of psychology and factors that come into play on how people behave. She studied psychology in school, I study it for fun, but I take a very academic approach to it.

No matter how much I study psychology and how it has helped me in nearly every situation, when it comes to love, I am just a mess.

Bottom line, we have fun in almost every way possible. When I open the car door, for her, she reaches over and opens mine. She brings me hot chocolate when I am feeling cold, she listened to everything I told her, and I love listening to her talk about anything. I felt like I could do that forever.
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Old 10-05-2012, 12:39 PM   #91
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Update

She just texted me:

I had told her a while ago to have her birth mark looked at, since it may cause issues down the road. This is her text:

"I know ur not talking to me. But I just wanted to let u know that I had listened to you and had my birthmark looked at by my dermatologist and its ok."

What's my move?
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Old 10-05-2012, 12:56 PM   #92
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Don't text back; she's trying to see if she still has you on a leash and willing to come to her when she asks. She's going to do this periodically to keep her in your head in case she decides to change her mind or doesn't find an equivalent or better guy anytime soon.

Worry about you, don't say a word to her, period.
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Old 10-05-2012, 01:10 PM   #93
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don't text back; she's trying to see if she still has you on a leash and willing to come to her when she asks. She's going to do this periodically to keep her in your head in case she decides to change her mind or doesn't find an equivalent or better guy anytime soon.

Worry about you, don't say a word to her, period.
+1.

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Old 10-05-2012, 01:19 PM   #94
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Don't text back; she's trying to see if she still has you on a leash and willing to come to her when she asks. She's going to do this periodically to keep her in your head in case she decides to change her mind or doesn't find an equivalent or better guy anytime soon.

Worry about you, don't say a word to her, period.
What if I want her back, is it possible?
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Old 10-05-2012, 03:15 PM   #95
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I don't feel like I did what was right. I feel like I hurt her, I have never hurt anyone in my life.
Eh, from what you posted it seems like you were as kind as you could be. The wrong way would have been to blow up and say a bunch of cruel things. It doesn't sound like you did that. It's a sad situation, but it appears to be the right thing to do.
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Old 10-05-2012, 03:16 PM   #96
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The only difference was religion,
Okay, so the answer is simple. Renounce Islam and get baptized as a Catholic.
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Old 10-05-2012, 04:30 PM   #97
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What if I want her back, is it possible?
No. She doesn't want you, so she is going to have her fun and expect you to be sitting there waiting patiently for her. Move on, meet more women, and she will quickly become just a girl to you. She knows you're weak, don't let her do that to you. You've already shown weak qualities she doesn't want in a guy, no chance you'll ever convince her otherwise.

You surrendered your entire self way too fast, and she wants someone she has to chase and convince to be with her, not a guy that falls in love that quickly. She used the Muslim part as an excuse. She was with those "guys that treated her like sh1t" because she liked it, not because she was a poor innocent girl.

Edit: not trying to be too harsh, you seem like a good guy, find a girl that sees that.
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Old 10-05-2012, 09:40 PM   #98
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Originally Posted by SamDoe1 View Post

If you had a line of girls at one point (which was a month ago), I'm sure that you'll first of all have at least a few of those girls still interested today and second will have no problem getting another group.

Now's the time to concentrate on yourself though and make yourself better. Don't think about being alone or being with someone, just do you.
This.

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Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
I have never said anything to make someone cry, the look on her face was so sad and something I can't get out of my mind.

I really wish things could be better & could have worked out.



I don't feel like I did what was right. I feel like I hurt her, I have never hurt anyone in my life.

What should I do if she reaches out? I hope that she does reach out. I miss her dearly. She was my best friend, I know it sounds lame, but we shared so much that I could honestly say that. I could talk to her about anything and we would have so much fun.

I feel devastated.
I am going through the same thing right now. It sucks to lose your best friend. We still talk somewhat but I've gotten to the point where I've realized that the relationship would not have worked out in the long run, and that we had our own issues, so I have no interest in trying to rekindle what we had. While I have no interest in other girls right now, I am working on ME, and I've built up plenty of girls for when I want to start dating again.
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Old 10-05-2012, 09:56 PM   #99
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Agree with all above. But just one thing I thought should be brought up. Your girl got off her meds and about the same time she freaks out about the relationship. Do you know if she's gotten back on her meds know. Not trying to be smart ass but I know a few woman who use that med. Oh my god are they insane when they are off. Just a thought. The first bad you made when she started talking about the relationship not working was you turned into a woman. Like everybody else said Sorta... Walk around like your d!ck is 15 inches. Be sensitive. But Be a Man! That goes with any girl you meet. Best of luck Op.
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Old 10-05-2012, 11:02 PM   #100
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She just texted me:

I had told her a while ago to have her birth mark looked at, since it may cause issues down the road. This is her text:

"I know ur not talking to me. But I just wanted to let u know that I had listened to you and had my birthmark looked at by my dermatologist and its ok."

What's my move?
Your move is the same as always, say nothing and do nothing. Keep your word and don't cave. Every time you feel like you want to talk to her, call a friend or hit up E46OT. Work on you, don't worry about her. She'll be fine.

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What if I want her back, is it possible?
No, what's done is done and leave it at that. If religion is that big of an issue, there's nothing that you can do about it other than to go catholic. Not sure that's what you want.
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