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Old 03-31-2015, 11:54 AM   #1
SPDSKTR
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Haven't been on an airplane in about 20 years. School me.

I'm flying on April 14th to Cincinnati, OH and returning the 16th. Here is my plan for packing:
  • Abide by that 3-1-1 rule for toiletries.
  • Pack clothes, toiletries, and laptop into a backpack to keep them all together.
  • Pack all job-related items (hard hat, hi-viz jacket, steel-toed boots, etc.) in a separate bag to be checked baggage.
  • Have ID ready at a moment's notice.
  • Call TSA agent's mother a whore during screening process.
  • Stick together with my coworkers to ensure everything goes by smoothly.
  • Call coworker's mother a whore if I don't get the window seat.
  • Play on my phone the entire flight.

Also: Since my belt and watch all have metal on them, should I stick those items in my backpack until I clear through security?
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Old 03-31-2015, 11:55 AM   #2
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Old 03-31-2015, 11:56 AM   #3
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you'll have to take your laptop out and put it in a separate bin, make it easily accessible
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Old 03-31-2015, 11:58 AM   #4
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I guess being in Alabama, this shouldn't surprise me.

Nowadays they have these big metal bird-tubes that fly in the sky and get you from point A to point B pretty quickly, but also maximize the inconvenience of travel.

Take off all clothes in the security line. Place in box to go through xray. Proceed through metal detector and full body scanner. Preferably with half- to full-chub.

When you get on the plane, immediately lean your seat all the way back, plug in headphones, and go to sleep. Do not allow anything or anyone to awake you or disturb your zen environment until you reach your destination. This includes other passengers, flight attendants, pilots, TSA agents, police, or FBI.

Upon arrival at your destination, immediately stand up in the aisle and try to shove your way as far forward as possible.

When you get off the plane and leave the terminal, make sure to put your clothes back on, it might be a little chillier in Ohio than in Alabama.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:02 PM   #5
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I haven't had a reason to fly in the past 20 years. It's been easier and cheaper for me to drive to where I need to go.

My laptop fits in the backpack easily enough to slide out when needed.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:03 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NOVAbimmer View Post
I guess being in Alabama, this shouldn't surprise me.

Nowadays they have these big metal bird-tubes that fly in the sky and get you from point A to point B pretty quickly, but also maximize the inconvenience of travel.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:09 PM   #7
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I haven't had a reason to fly in the past 20 years. It's been easier and cheaper for me to drive to where I need to go.

My laptop fits in the backpack easily enough to slide out when needed.

Then you haven't been anywhere worth going.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:13 PM   #8
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there are also bathrooms on the plane. don't try opening the door to **** outside like you're used to!
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:15 PM   #9
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you have to take your liquid bag out in security now. i don't ever remember having to do that before this year.
they can see your boarding pass and cash in your pocket in the naked machine. so if you don't hold it in your hand, they'll try to touch your d.

these might not apply to your airport though. the airport i fly through is an international port.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:17 PM   #10
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What airline are you taking?
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:19 PM   #11
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Then you haven't been anywhere worth going.
Too poor to afford nice vacations.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 217Bimmer View Post
there are also bathrooms on the plane. don't try opening the door to **** outside like you're used to!


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Originally Posted by b0bab0i View Post
What airline are you taking?
I'll have to double check.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:21 PM   #12
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at the very least, being from Alabama, you won't have to worry about taking shoes off.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:22 PM   #13
SPDSKTR
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at the very least, being from Alabama, you won't have to worry about taking shoes off.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:37 PM   #14
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there are also bathrooms on the plane. don't try opening the door to **** outside like you're used to!
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:37 PM   #15
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just looked up your flight number. hope you're a fast runner

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Old 03-31-2015, 12:41 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NOVAbimmer View Post
I guess being in Alabama, this shouldn't surprise me.

Nowadays they have these big metal bird-tubes that fly in the sky and get you from point A to point B pretty quickly, but also maximize the inconvenience of travel.

Take off all clothes in the security line. Place in box to go through xray. Proceed through metal detector and full body scanner. Preferably with half- to full-chub.

When you get on the plane, immediately lean your seat all the way back, plug in headphones, and go to sleep. Do not allow anything or anyone to awake you or disturb your zen environment until you reach your destination. This includes other passengers, flight attendants, pilots, TSA agents, police, or FBI.

Upon arrival at your destination, immediately stand up in the aisle and try to shove your way as far forward as possible.

When you get off the plane and leave the terminal, make sure to put your clothes back on, it might be a little chillier in Ohio than in Alabama.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 217Bimmer View Post
there are also bathrooms on the plane. don't try opening the door to **** outside like you're used to!
Quote:
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at the very least, being from Alabama, you won't have to worry about taking shoes off.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:42 PM   #17
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If you have a checked bag, put your toiletries in there. I just flew a few weeks ago and all the flights were giving people the option to check carry ons for free at the gate because they didn't have room.

Might want to bring the captain a coffee or a snickers. We know how they get when they're hungry.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:45 PM   #18
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No one recommended a butt plug yet? If you're going to get anally fingered, might as well loosen up the ole corn hole first.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:46 PM   #19
217Bimmer
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If you have a checked bag, put your toiletries in there. I just flew a few weeks ago and all the flights were giving people the option to check carry ons for free at the gate because they didn't have room.
what toiletries are we talking about here? he's from alabama, so we can cross toothbrush, deodorant, and soap off that list.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:47 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SPDSKTR View Post
I'm flying on April 14th to Cincinnati, OH and returning the 16th. Here is my plan for packing:
  • Abide by that 3-1-1 rule for toiletries.
  • Pack clothes, toiletries, and laptop into a backpack to keep them all together.
  • Pack all job-related items (hard hat, hi-viz jacket, steel-toed boots, etc.) in a separate bag to be checked baggage.
  • Have ID ready at a moment's notice.
  • Call TSA agent's mother a whore during screening process.
  • Stick together with my coworkers to ensure everything goes by smoothly.
  • Call coworker's mother a whore if I don't get the window seat.
  • Play on my phone the entire flight.

Also: Since my belt and watch all have metal on them, should I stick those items in my backpack until I clear through security?
On a serious note, I put everything in my carry on bag(s) that I can. People are rushed and forget a lot of things they put in bins. There is literally a pile of stuff that people forget throughout the day (as well as the confiscated stuff). Belt, phone, wallet-except ID, etc....all goes in the bag for me. The only thing I put in the bins is laptop, shoes, and (sometimes) my liquids. Half the time I leave them in and it is fine anyway.

I also don't bother putting on my belt until I get away from the TSA check. Anything to get away from that cluster faster
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