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Old 06-24-2013, 09:25 PM   #1
bostonsc4
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

Its awful, just downright hard to deal with. They are just a cold, bitter and overall negative mother and father. For perspective, I'm 22, gf is 20, been together for ~two years. In the household of my girlfriend, there exists a mother, a father, a younger brother, and an older sister. Dad works 3rd shift, so he's never around, and when he is, he's in a bad mood. Younger brother is failing all his classes in school and doesn't give a sh1t about anything but Xbox. Older sister graduated college a few years ago and still lives at home works a small partime job just paying loans. My BIGGEST issue is with the mother. She's just a generally bitter person. She's a selfish woman, never puts anybody before herself. She is openly rude to my gf right in front of me, rude to me even for absolutely no reason, and generally promotes a VERY cold unwelcoming atmosphere in their house. Her and her husband are never really together, due to work schedules, so they never appear happy.

My gf Ashley is the black sheep of the family. She's positive, very cheerful, optimistic and desiring of a positive atmosphere. I would venture to say that the biggest problem I observe is that the mother is absolutely beyond obsessed with a clean house. That is all she does, is clean clean clean. So much that she never plays an ample role in the life of her kids. She doesn't permit ANYTHING happen in their household. Nobody can be there, no friends over, no sitting on furniture, no eating food because that creates dishes, no nothing that creates ANY sort of response towards cleaning. She may think that her house is clean, but what she's really doing is making her house a museum that nobody is able to enjoy. When I'm over there its just generally uncomfortable. I don't enjoy being over there, and I'm so fed up with seeing my girlfriend upset and frustrated that her family is so cold and unwelcoming. Its not a happy household, and lately they've been on a 3 day bender of just being rude to her and bitter to everyone, even themselves.

I guess an example of what its like is what happened tonight. In short, we went running and a thunderstorm set in. We get to the car before the rain. We get back to the house, open the door to go in. Family is eating dinner in silence, nobody is talking to anyone. Instead of greeting us with "hey how was your run? Hope the storm held off for you" we get (literally 1 second in after opening the door) "ASHLEY?!?! YOU'RE WET AREN'T YOU? COME ON THE HOUSE?!???!" in screaming fashion. I had such a burning desire to tell her mom that she's a fvcking b1tch and to shut the fvck up about the fvcking house. I kept that in, and we go to watch the bruins game without saying a word to anyone. Ashley starts to just cry because she's fed up with how pathetic and dysfunctional her family is.


Reason why I make a thread is cause I just don't know what to do. ALL I do is support her, tell her its okay, and try to keep her positive about things, but that only goes so far. Her family is dysfunctional and she knows that. I don't know what else to do, and I know it has nothing to do with me, but it indirectly does because MANY times I'll pick her up and she'll be in a bad mood with me because her mom was a b1tch to her on the way out. So I don't know... What would you guys do or say in such a position?
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Old 06-24-2013, 09:30 PM   #2
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There's really nothing you can do man. Hopefully it works out with you guys and you move away
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Old 06-24-2013, 09:32 PM   #3
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There's really nothing you can do man. Hopefully it works out with you guys and you move away
Seriously dude. I feel like the military is the only thing that will get us away from this nonsense. How bad is it that her and her mom will really only have a positive relationship when they see each other every 6 months when / if we come home.
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Old 06-24-2013, 09:51 PM   #4
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

They must have a nice house. Brazilian tiger wood floors, marble entry, a mahogany staircase. Acid rain alone will probably ruin the finish of the marble. You can't clean it with anything non-organic. Looks nice, but not worth it's delicacy.

Not saying you haven't tried this, but if you haven't. Try being the person to start positive conversations and greetings. Maybe all the need is a little push start. You have to win them over somehow, the GF and the fam are a package deal unfortunately sometimes. If she's worth the effort then go for it. Enjoy the challenge and victory in the long run.


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Old 06-24-2013, 10:00 PM   #5
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Just remember... When you marry her you are marrying her parents too! That's a HUGE issue sometimes. I guess I am lucky because I really enjoy my in-laws and my wife enjoys my family.

You could try a confrontation... Really nothing to lose except them paying for the wedding...
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:00 PM   #6
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

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Seriously dude. I feel like the military is the only thing that will get us away from this nonsense. How bad is it that her and her mom will really only have a positive relationship when they see each other every 6 months when / if we come home.
Get an education and get out of there. That's the only solution. And do your best to support your gfs great personality so she doesn't end up giving it up and turning into her mom.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:07 PM   #7
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Just remember... When you marry her you are marrying her parents too! That's a HUGE issue sometimes. I guess I am lucky because I really enjoy my in-laws and my wife enjoys my family.

You could try a confrontation... Really nothing to lose except them paying for the wedding...
This....unless you and her have thought it through, and are OK with not interacting much with her family and not having them as a support system.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:18 PM   #8
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They must have a nice house. Brazilian tiger wood floors, marble entry, a mahogany staircase. Acid rain alone will probably ruin the finish of the marble. You can't clean it with anything non-organic. Looks nice, but not worth it's delicacy.

Not saying you haven't tried this, but if you haven't. Try being the person to start positive conversations and greetings. Maybe all the need is a little push start. You have to win them over somehow, the GF and the fam are a package deal unfortunately sometimes. If she's worth the effort then go for it. Enjoy the challenge and victory in the long run.

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She's worth it. I have really never felt as complete with someone before as her. So that part is not my issue, thankfully. I AM the only positive interaction there, very often I'm the one who breaks the ice and tries to push start things. Also, very often I feel awkward because I'll throw positivity their way, and it gets dropped like a hot potato by their unwillingness to just be happy.

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Just remember... When you marry her you are marrying her parents too! That's a HUGE issue sometimes. I guess I am lucky because I really enjoy my in-laws and my wife enjoys my family.

You could try a confrontation... Really nothing to lose except them paying for the wedding...
The thing thats hard, is that watching them impact my gf negatively really hurts me. If people (non family) ever talked to her the way they do, I would be creating a confrontation. Its so conflicting.

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Get an education and get out of there. That's the only solution. And do your best to support your gfs great personality so she doesn't end up giving it up and turning into her mom.
I have a bachelors degree already, so for me I'm looking at a career in the military. I am going to do the best I can, and its frustrating because I almost feel as though her positivity almost makes her mom worse kind of the way angry people don't want anyone around them to be happy either ya know? Her mom pampers her kids with financial care, not actual love and its disgusting.

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This....unless you and her have thought it through, and are OK with not interacting much with her family and not having them as a support system.
We've thought a lot about it. Before I ever got real seriously close and engaged in her family life, I never could understand why my gf was always so anxious to say "lets move far away, somewhere warm, somewhere completely far" when I would suggest staying closeby for her and my own family to be within close quarters. I now understand why. Anybody in their right mind would want out of this house. Its a beautiful house, but the mother puts her clean house before the wellbeing of her own children.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:40 PM   #9
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Do you live at home? Get a place together? Then you don't have to see them unless you want to.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:45 PM   #10
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

Hey OP, what did you major in if you don't mind me asking?


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Old 06-24-2013, 10:47 PM   #11
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Do you live at home? Get a place together? Then you don't have to see them unless you want to.
Yes I live at home too about 15 minutes down the highway from her. I'm leaving for basic in September, going active duty, so I'm getting relocated anywhere in the country. Once there, I'll live on base for 2 years paying loans off etc. while she finishes school. We plan to get a place together when she finishes school in 2015. Thats obviously if all goes according to plan with our relationship independent of the family. But if circumstances were different, I would LOVE to get a place with her right now.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:48 PM   #12
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Hey OP, what did you major in if you don't mind me asking?


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I majored in psychology. I've got a bachelors in that, but I chose not to use my degree because there really isn't much out there for a bachelor of psych without grad school. I'm going active duty air force as a civil engineer, so I'll see where that takes me. Funny how life works.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:54 PM   #13
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

Nice! I'm currently working on my electrical eng. bachelors lol it's definitely challenging. I wish I was majoring in psych, all of the cute girls are in psych.

One of my electrical eng teachers in HS was an Air Force engineer, he fixed fighter jets in china. Sounds like an awesome career, good luck with it and your GF.

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Old 06-24-2013, 10:58 PM   #14
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Nice! I'm currently working on my electrical eng. bachelors lol it's definitely challenging. I wish I was majoring in psych, all of the cute girls are in psych.


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The psych department Its filled with attractive girls that want to be counselors. I found my lady in the graphic design program, which is also chuck full of woman.


Back on track, I look forward to a time when I/we see her family only when we have to. Sucks that I could potentially be another one of those guys who can't stand his in-laws.
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Old 06-24-2013, 11:11 PM   #15
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

Best advice is if you see yourself getting married to this girl then think of what you have to deal with in the future. If not, have fun with her and don't sweat the small things.
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Old 06-24-2013, 11:17 PM   #16
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There's nothing like a few hundred miles between you and your in-laws to help keep things nice and civil.
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Old 06-24-2013, 11:39 PM   #17
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Gotta get away from those wire hangers
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Old 06-25-2013, 12:04 AM   #18
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There's nothing like a few hundred miles between you and your in-laws to help keep things nice and civil.
Oh how I can't wait for that. They are the type of parents that when Ashley's been away at school for 2 months or so and comes home for the first time they don't even stop doing the dishes to come give her a hug.


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Gotta get away from those wire hangers
Not sure I follow, whats a wire hanger? I'm sure that I will be agreeing with you regardless.
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Old 06-25-2013, 12:07 AM   #19
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Best advice is if you see yourself getting married to this girl then think of what you have to deal with in the future. If not, have fun with her and don't sweat the small things.
I do see myself getting married to her. I think about it all the time, and its always a positive feeling. Which is great, except I feel like this thing with her parents is a life long stress, at least until a couple hundred miles are placed in between and they see what they've lost in a positive atmosphere in their museum.
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Old 06-25-2013, 12:08 AM   #20
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Not sure I follow, whats a wire hanger? I'm sure that I will be agreeing with you regardless.
There was an old movie where the mom obsessed over only using hangers that didn't leave wrinkles in the clothes.
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