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Love Line

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Old 06-27-2013, 04:35 PM   #41
bostonsc4
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Back to what is relevant, today was another rough day. Mother was in a bad mood (shocking), and couldn't understand why Ashley wasn't speaking to her. (Because they fought all week with no resolution) She states "...if you aren't happy here you can move the hell out" Ashley doesn't even respond and just walks out on her way to work, mom slams the door and locks it behind her just to prove a point. I hate watching her be treated like that, and hearing this over and over each day just makes me closer and closer to writing the mother a letter myself. Am I out of line to do this? It would be completely professional and polite and just sharing my observations and the reason be because of how much I care for her daughter and I intend to stay in the picture for a long time and just want the best for everybody, and here is how I think you guys could be better off etc etc. I would hate to fuel the fire though, so I don't know. I just hate hearing about her own house being a stressful place to be. It sucks.
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:44 PM   #42
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Write the letter, but don't give it to her. Instead, speak with her directly. If she shuts off the conversation you can always hand her the letter on your way out as she latches the door behind you.
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:48 PM   #43
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I Cannot stand my Girlfriend's Family

This is a family matter. You are not a family member. It's not your place, regardless of what you feel about gf, gf mom, or gf family.


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Old 06-27-2013, 10:58 PM   #44
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Talking to her and writing to her would make sense if she were rational and simply missing the point of her behavior. The way you describe it makes it clear that she knows exactly what she's doing. Her behavior is a way to exert power over her children. You calling her out on it is not going to do anything productive. Your GF needs to remove herself from that toxic orbit and get on with her life away from her mother.
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:04 AM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NOVAbimmer View Post
This is a family matter. You are not a family member. It's not your place, regardless of what you feel about gf, gf mom, or gf family.
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I can agree to a point however if the family is comfortable enough to be like that around you and drop the usual "appearences" then it's essentially giving you a pass as a concerned individual in my opinion. It's like seeing a mother beating her child excessively on the street, you have the right to alert the authorities of such abuse despite it not being your child or family. If he stumbled on to this "secret" by accident then I would reserve out right conversation on the matter and only address the concern with my girlfriend in private and leave it at that till I saw further signs of emotional/physical harm.

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Originally Posted by VaderDave View Post
Talking to her and writing to her would make sense if she were rational and simply missing the point of her behavior. The way you describe it makes it clear that she knows exactly what she's doing. Her behavior is a way to exert power over her children. You calling her out on it is not going to do anything productive. Your GF needs to remove herself from that toxic orbit and get on with her life away from her mother.
Sadly it seems the family at a hole is passed the point of rationality, it definitely is a grey area between let me take you out of this toxicity and I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. As odd is it may sound if he were to "pull" her from the situation she could end up resenting him for forcing the choice out of her hands. It's definitely a situation she has to come to terms with and decide on her own enough is enough.
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:58 AM   #46
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Haven't read the whole tread, just the OP.

2 options:
-Stay with her and make plans to move as far away from her family as possible.
-Dump her and not have to deal with the family drama that could be a lifetime worth of headaches.


Unfortunately when you get married or are in a relationship, family is a factor. The longer you're together the more significant their involvement will be most of the time. IMHO the only option if you want to stay with her is to run far, far away.
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Old 07-09-2013, 08:24 PM   #47
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Good advice has been said, however, I would like to reiterate that this isn't a problem that you can/should fix. Unfortunately, you can only help your GF and not her family. I was in a similar place with my ex. Her mother was a lunatic who even refused to house her when she was between school and work for 2 weeks because it impeded on her new life with her new husband. All I could do was provide the mother and her husband with proper courtesy when I HAD to see them and never spoke to them for longer than necessary. If I had to help them with something, I did; then I left as fast and as politely as I could. The point is not to start confrontations or engage in petty disputes, but to clearly show that you have ABSOLUTELY no reason to tolerate it. This kind of s**t sucks though, good luck brother.
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