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Old 06-27-2013, 08:12 PM   #1
dmax
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Legal question--restraining order

So, some of you may recall I have an ex brother-in-law who is an idiot. I just got divorced and am moving out in a few days. Whoopee!

Anyway, I just find out that my ex has invited him the day of the move. He has threatened me and he's big, so I can't dance with the guy, especially since I'm small. Today, he tried to cancel the moving company I'd arranged with to move me, admittedly one day after I'm supposed to be out of the house. He called and asked to cancel. The guy talking with him knew me well enough to know it wasn't me and asked who he was. He said he was my b-in-law.

It's certainly harassing behavior...is that enough for a restraining order? I'll be visiting my local PD tomorrow.

BTW, just fyi, in a year, I have the right to return to my home and stay or sell...messed up agreement.

I'd like this to be a permanent restraining order, but presume that's not so easy to get. And, since I know he's a loose cannon, for the first time in my life, I'm thinking of getting a gun.

He's really pretty stupid, so that's the most frightening thing about him. Finally, if any of you are in Parsippany, keep away from a 'mechanic' named Ubaldo. He once drove his new Jeep into a puddle...turned out it was a pit 6' deep. He hid an affair for 8 years, divorced his wife, and a year later married this woman. I'm sorry, but, come on. Scum.

Finally, for any of you reading who aren't legal scholars, I want you to know that many times Fanatics gave me a laugh when I needed one. I was in a very dark place for a long time...but Fanatics was always there for me...and tried to give more than I got...but I think we're about even!

Guys, seriously, the odds are 50/50 with marriage. Look for the red flags and don't do what I did...miss one that was so huge I didn't take it for a flag at all. Look for flags, signs, and don't be overcome by a pretty face, slamming body, or both put together. Long term, I'm sure you need pretty similar fundamental values, world view, and some common interests to keep you, you know, interested in one another. Life is really long

Oops...kind of long-winded for legal advice! I'm going to the police and I've sent an e-mail to my attorney
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:15 PM   #2
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sheesh. what a shitty situation. Hope things work out :/
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:18 PM   #3
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It sounds like you're already doing what you ought to do: call the cops to give them a heads-up and call your lawyer to see what he or she thinks you ought to do.
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:21 PM   #4
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kill him
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:23 PM   #5
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Legal question--restraining order

Is the house after one year part confirmed? How did that even happen? Is there any way your ex can sell it during this one year?

Edit: I don't have any legal expertise but I am positive the PD would guide you in the right direction if not give you initial paperwork or something for the order

Edit2: you are a very helpful and comedic Fanatic!
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:34 PM   #6
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Legal question--restraining order

Depends on the state. In MA you can get a restraining order based on threats and fear of your well being. Doesn't matter if the person getting the restraining order is lying or not. They issue it giving the person the benefit of the doubt and then they have both parties come into court about 2 weeks later to decide whether its necessary or not.

Last edited by Leezy321; 06-28-2013 at 07:22 AM.
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:48 PM   #7
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Damn, That sounds like a messed up situation. I'm sorry to hear you're going through it.
It sounds like you're taking the correct steps.

If you don't mind would you enlighten us to what the red flag you missed was?

If i recall correctly you recently had a thread about your son wanting a motorcycle and was going to college.
Did you guys end up toughing out the marriage until your son was ready to move out or is it just coincidental timing?
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:53 PM   #8
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kill him
I concur
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Old 06-27-2013, 09:02 PM   #9
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Thanks, guys. This is the same guy that is supposedly going to teach my son how to ride a bike safely. GDI! So far, I haven't seen a bike or evidence he's been sneaking out riding, but that's him. Helping his nephew learn to ride safely so he can safely ride in Berkeley. I don't understand it and as a father, am honestly terrified for him. Everyone goes down...many don't get up again.

And, yes, Spiral, we 'toughed' out the marriage. Me? For 21 years because I love my sons and couldn't stand to be away from them. I won't know if that was right or not, but, oh well. I'm single and looking forward to my new life.

As far as warning signs...the flag that was huge that I missed was this:

I stood on the edge of a frozen river with my not-yet wife. It was just about 2' frozen from the edge, but I had boots on...just stepped on it to see how frozen it was. When I turned around and tried to step back up, the ice was so slippery, I had no traction at all...so I reached my arm out to my not-yet wife who was 3' away. She stepped back.

I was pissed...inquired about it on the ride home. She said, "I thought you were trying to trick me."
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Old 06-28-2013, 06:02 AM   #10
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tell him some of your comedy sketches...that will keep him away from you forever.

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Old 06-28-2013, 07:05 AM   #11
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Congrats on parting ways with a troublesome partner Doug! Perhaps you just need a posse while you remove your things from the house. E46fanatics represent!
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Old 06-28-2013, 07:07 AM   #12
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Guys, seriously, the odds are 50/50 with marriage. Look for the red flags and don't do what I did...miss one that was so huge I didn't take it for a flag at all. Look for flags, signs, and don't be overcome by a pretty face, slamming body, or both put together. Long term, I'm sure you need pretty similar fundamental values, world view, and some common interests to keep you, you know, interested in one another. Life is really long

I am recently separated and this is the truth. While we were pretty good friends, we were not a good couple, nothing in common really. I wanted out years ago and told my self to deal with it. I was in a rut, pushed friends away, depressed, and lost interest in my hobbies. I am no longer in a fog, I'm a happier person and I can finally see how unhappy I was, others can see a difference too. Life is not short, its only short when you're on your death bed.
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Old 06-28-2013, 07:21 AM   #13
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I'll step in about the gun idea since JJ hasn't appeared yet. My advice is pretty simple, straightforward, and can easily be followed. All it takes is roughly 20 minutes of your time (including the driving involved) and certain sacrifices. What you should do about the gun is...

GET ONE.

I, too, am a scrawny fucker, but that doesn't mean I use my gun as a set of muscles. I use it as a last resort tool. I'm 6'3", 185 lbs., but my arms are puny. I'm not strong, I'm not a skilled fighter, and all it would take is one juiced up bro to make me fear for my life. On top of all that, I really don't like confrontation, anyway. I don't see a point to it.

Sometimes, I honestly find myself surprised our lawmakers decided the inclusion of disparity of force was a good idea. And I thank them for that. It gives me, a scrawny guy who doesn't like getting aggressive, a fighting chance against all the ruthless violent criminals who want to do me harm.

TL;DR: Buy the gun, take a class, get familiar with it, and BE SAFE ABOUT IT. Also, E46FOT learns I'm a weakling.
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Old 06-28-2013, 07:29 AM   #14
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Sorry to hear that dmax.

Getting a posse is a good idea. The police might send an officer or two while you move. Hopefully, the movers are big dudes.

A quick Google search revealed this which seems to have good information.

http://www.nycourts.gov/faq/orderofprotection.shtml

This one likely won't be helpful. www.womenslaw.org/

I agree you are doing all the right things by contacting your attorney and the police.

Good luck with the move. Hopefully it will go smooth and if not it will provide great material for your stand-up. I wish you much future happiness.
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Old 06-28-2013, 05:50 PM   #15
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tell him some of your comedy sketches...that will keep him away from you forever.
LOL thats fcked up.
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Old 06-28-2013, 05:52 PM   #16
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Go find some strange ass.
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Old 06-28-2013, 06:01 PM   #17
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I'm 30 minutes from Parsippany. I'll help you out if you promise to never perform in the tri-state area again.

JK... seriously though

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Old 06-28-2013, 06:54 PM   #18
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OP I feel ya bro....I was in for 15 yrs. Get yourself some friends and go out there and get your stuff. Let the cops know. Report back how it went.

Good Luck!
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Guys, seriously, the odds are 50/50 with marriage. Look for the red flags and don't do what I did...miss one that was so huge I didn't take it for a flag at all. Look for flags, signs, and don't be overcome by a pretty face, slamming body, or both put together. Long term, I'm sure you need pretty similar fundamental values, world view, and some common interests to keep you, you know, interested in one another. Life is really long
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Old 06-28-2013, 06:59 PM   #19
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Legal question--restraining order

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Old 06-28-2013, 08:39 PM   #20
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