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Love Line

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Old 07-02-2013, 11:15 PM   #1
bostonsc4
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So everyone who just got done reading the thread about my gf's troubled home life and her mom and all that etc, I now don't know what to do.

I just typed up a whole thread about what the specific problems are, but deleted it because its not necessary. Ashley and I fight because we come from different pasts... I come from a household that was so overflowing with love at all times that that is the only way I know, it honestly might have made me a little softer of a guy than your average run of the mill dude. (on the inside) Outside, you'd never expect it, and I actually make up for it a little bit by being kind of standoffish.


Ashley was raised in a house that seriously lacked a loving atmosphere, family members saying f you to each other, screaming matches that go unresolved, selfishness, anything in the other thread you can go read, I've come to the conclusion that despite her massive positive attitude and black sheep personality she has emerging from that household, I cannot deny the fact that she DOES have these genes in her to act like her mom.

We fight because she says I suffocate her, and I say she puts too much distance between her and I. I'm constantly trying to close that distance, and she's constantly craving space. Our efforts work against each other, and when we fight about it, they are massive explosions. She is literally the biggest stresser in my life right now.

2 weeks ago we had a serious talk, where she said she needs the space and feels like she's falling out of love with me. That resulted in on both our ends because I just accepted it and told her there is nothing I can do if she feels that way, but I'd try to give her more space. I did just that and for these 2 weeks she's been perfect. I've given her a TON of space, and we haven't fought one bit. Tonight, just one night set us off. She had a tough day at work, I drove to come see her when I really didn't have the gas to, she wanted nothing to do with me when I arrived because of selfish bad mood, and when I pressed the issue and wanted affection from her she grew more distant, and we had an explosive fight about it.


I don't know what to do. I do not want this fight for the rest of my life, but I am incredibly in love with her. I'm so torn. If I broke up with her tomorrow, I don't even know what I would do. I'm leaving for basic going active duty in 2 months, so I'll be gone. Up till right now I have EVERY intention of carrying on a long distance relationship with her, and I still think that I do. I just cannot keep dealing with this unappreciated feeling she gives me. I don't know what the fvck to do, makes me hate her mom even more. She's not herself when we fight, she's her fvcking **** of a mom.

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Old 07-03-2013, 12:18 AM   #2
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The same basic situation occurs in my family. My mother had to deal with a terrible mother despite a stable home life. My dad knew this when he married her and worked long and hard to break her of her mother's teachings. It's been 24 years and they are still going strong.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:32 AM   #3
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The same basic situation occurs in my family. My mother had to deal with a terrible mother despite a stable home life. My dad knew this when he married her and worked long and hard to break her of her mother's teachings. It's been 24 years and they are still going strong.
This is reassuring. God its just so frustrating.


It's like a dog chasing its tail... I want more affection from her, she wants space from me. If we could REVERSE this cycle, if she just showed me something resembling a loving girlfriend, I would have NO need to be so much in her face looking for it. Thats how the last 2 weeks have been awesome, and one night it all explodes again.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:38 AM   #4
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This is reassuring. God its just so frustrating.


It's like a dog chasing its tail... I want more affection from her, she wants space from me. If we could REVERSE this cycle, if she just showed me something resembling a loving girlfriend, I would have NO need to be so much in her face looking for it. Thats how the last 2 weeks have been awesome, and one night it all explodes again.
Take a fake business trip or something for a week. Stay with family or friends and just see how she copes with not seeing you for a week. That should sort out the situation and tell you how she feels for you.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:40 AM   #5
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can you post a pic of her ?

we'll tell you if it's worth it
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Old 07-03-2013, 08:04 AM   #6
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can you post many pics of her ?

we'll tell you if it's worth it
Fixed. One pic would not be sufficient enough. We need to evaluate her worth from many angles.

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Old 07-03-2013, 09:04 AM   #7
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Fixed. One pic would not be sufficient enough. We need to evaluate her worth from many angles.

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Old 07-03-2013, 09:19 AM   #8
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Sh1t man. Her saying "I feel like I'm falling out of love with you" is a tough pill to swallow and for her to say it means a lot. It's definitely something she's been thinking about. The best advice is to give it right back. Be distant and see how she reacts. Try not to be over bearing and cancel plans, take longer to reply to texts, and just act like you are ok if she isn't around.

Take it from me, if it doesn't workout something will come along and this will make you a better person.
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:05 AM   #9
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Sh1t man. Her saying "I feel like I'm falling out of love with you" is a tough pill to swallow and for her to say it means a lot. It's definitely something she's been thinking about. The best advice is to give it right back. Be distant and see how she reacts. Try not to be over bearing and cancel plans, take longer to reply to texts, and just act like you are ok if she isn't around.

Take it from me, if it doesn't workout something will come along and this will make you a better person.
Best advice of the thread.

Also avoid using the word try...It's a defeatist word and subconsciously sets you up for failure. Like Yoda says do or do not there is no try. Reading that reminded me of a period towards the end with my ex as she grew more distant despite my efforts like yours. I say give her the distance but more importantly find out how much better life can be without your biggest stressor. You may find out that it isn't what you expected it to be and in the long run it may be better off that way. I am glad I am no longer with my ex, stings from time to time but I know overall I am in a better place.
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:53 AM   #10
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Give the bitch space, bitches love space.

Fighting constantly isn't a good sign... even as much as you care about her. My ex's family caused a lot of fighting between us (different reasons) but at the end of the day, I had to walk. If she wasn't willing to take a step and get serious about the relationship then why would I waste my time? Almost gotta be selfish. I didn't WANT to let go but looking back, I feel a lot better that I did rather than sticking around. I guess most importantly, you know what you want and if she isn't filling the bill then you gotta let go and move on.
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:37 PM   #11
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Well she won't talk to me or see me in person to talk about it. Spent 2 hours in the gym today trying to get my mind off it, sitting home alone for 3rd-4th of July plans now. This is absolutely awful. Looks like I'm going to be heading to the gym again in about a half hour.
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Old 07-03-2013, 05:22 PM   #12
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why not go to your favorite bar or see what your friends are up to? Hell go for a drive, have an adventure, being at home cooped up is not positive or healthy in this situation at all.
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Old 07-04-2013, 09:13 AM   #13
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You need to spend time with friends and family. Doing things alone will only keep the situation playing in your head over and over again.

My ex was the same. I remember one day i decided to not reply to any txts/emails (was getting tired of her lack of attention), low and behold she starts messaging nonstop to see me more often and filled up my inbox with lolcat pictures (she knew my weakness).

Since then I sometimes reminiscence about her but reality kicks in when i remember her telling me 'i wonder when you'll get tired of me' only two weeks into dating her (I replied to that with 'don't be silly, i never will' because i was a naive chump). Your girl telling you she might be falling out of love with you is no accident, and personally i think it's hard to get things back into 5th gear unless she's willing to change (or you for this matter).

Dang sorry for the longwinded post.

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Old 07-05-2013, 09:37 AM   #14
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Just my 2 cents. Seems like a bit of an emasculating situation, no offense. I experienced a similar situation through my roommate. All he did was "love" her and seek her affection, but at times she was so cold towards him. Classic scenario of "love overdose". When you smother someone constantly, they get sick of you, it's that simple. I often encouraged him to break up with her (there were other reasons which I won't get into as well), but he keeps letting it drag on. Her broke up with her months ago, but recently got back with her. In my eyes, he's her b*tch.

Maybe I can't perfectly relate, because in my situation it's the opposite. My girlfriend is all over me sometimes and without being too cold towards her, I pretty much tell her to chill out and back off. I like doing my own thing, hanging with the boys, you know the deal. I like seeing her when it pleases me, lol.

You're getting ready to leave for the service, and sadly the chances are it's not going to work out. The long distance relationship thing always sounds great in theory, however the reality is not the same. Seeing as you two already have problems, fight constantly, and she said "she's falling out of love with you", I have a hard time believing it will work out. While you may feel like she's the one for you, it sounds like she doesn't quite feel the same.

From my experience, and I'm sure most of you will say the same, girls generally don't like guys that are all over them. It's messed up, but it makes you seem pathetic in their eyes. It makes no sense, but they like that "hard to get, I don't need you as much as you need me" mindset.
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Old 07-05-2013, 09:41 AM   #15
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Well she won't talk to me or see me in person to talk about it. Spent 2 hours in the gym today trying to get my mind off it, sitting home alone for 3rd-4th of July plans now. This is absolutely awful. Looks like I'm going to be heading to the gym again in about a half hour.
Drugs man. The answer to everything.

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Old 07-05-2013, 03:49 PM   #16
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Damn man. Sorry to hear. Relationship woes friggin' blow, and I understand your pain.
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Old 07-06-2013, 12:18 PM   #17
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You need to pull back a little bit. Seems like Ash had been too much of a part of your life the last couple months. Her family life if toxic but she is the one that needs to change it. She had to be willing to make that move, you can't do it for her.

Just chill, be cordial and respectful as always, but lay off and do your own thing for a few weeks.


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Old 07-22-2013, 07:27 AM   #18
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No one is addressing the real issue here. You're 22 and she is 20. Jesus man, neither one of you should be taking any relationship this seriously at your age let alone one that is as rife with issues as this one. You're leaving to join the service, trust me, you DO NOT need this kind of drama bouncing around your head in the middle of basic training. Man she isn't even old enough to have a cocktail at a bar legally yet. Just imagine how it's going to be when she goes out with her friends for her first legal drink and you guys are in such a rocky place PLUS you're how many miles away?

Get out now so you have time to get over it a bit BEFORE leaving. Then you can place your focus where it should be, beginning your military career. In a nutshell, you're a young man with a world of adventure about to begin for you. Don't handicap your possibilities of enjoying everything life has to offer at such a young age.

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Old 07-30-2013, 01:13 AM   #19
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Sucks bro. You're the opposite of me, I wish if I could get attached. Take a little break, tell her you two need a break to think things through. After a week or so, talk and see where it goes. If she keeps doing the same $hit, you don't want to settle down with someone like that. Move on. I know it's hard, but it's better to break it off sooner than later.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:18 AM   #20
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You're gonna have a tough basic training brotha. Since you will only be able to communicate with her through letters. Sorry to say, but it may be in your best interest to dump her soon, so you can focus on training.

I went through basically the same thing when I left for marine boot camp. It sucked. Sometimes getting letter from my girl, expressing her love, other times, getting ones that just ruined my day. It was the worst feeling in the world not being able to talk to her face to face about it.

It may be better to just end it now. This will give you both space and time to think. Once you're done your training, see if you can pick up the pieces.


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