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Old 07-07-2013, 10:35 PM   #21
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I hate to admit this, but....

What the heck, who pressed the SAP button on the remote?!?


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Old 07-08-2013, 09:12 AM   #22
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Old 07-08-2013, 09:25 AM   #23
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I was and still am at times the exact same way. I read into sh1t wayyy to much.
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Old 07-08-2013, 11:05 AM   #24
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At all of our core's... we are all insecure in some way shape or form... I don't know who a soul who isn't afraid of rejection once they've formed an emotional connection with someone. Unrequited love is devastating... even if its only gone as far as a small connection without reciprocation.
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Old 07-08-2013, 11:43 AM   #25
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What the heck, who pressed the SAP button on the remote?!?


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I did! I can't lie man.....when I really find myself getting into somebody, I put in 110%. In majority of the situations I have a "one foot in, one foot out" mentality, so these rare occasions in which I invest myself just feel foreign. Much of the advice has reigned me in, and I'm going to refrain from making any real emotional statements (..even though I'm sure that something will be resting on the tip of my tongue at some point). Yesterday was the first time that we spent time together since Tuesday's workout/mini-tiff, and it was ever so slightly awkward at Raging Waters (..there was some tension; I could sense it in her body language immediately), but she started to come back around later that evening and was back to her old ways (..she lightly pinches me and plays with my ears when she's happy, much in the same way that I tend to massage her when I'm happy), so to speak, by the time the night ended.

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I was and still am at times the exact same way. I read into sh1t wayyy to much.
I can't help it, but I'm really, really sensitive to behavior and behavioral changes in people (..for better or for worse). I am keen to it, and it's definitely something that probably saves my life on a daily basis. Where relationships are concerned, however, it may just need to be tempered down because I'm going to drive myself nuts.


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At all of our core's... we are all insecure in some way shape or form... I don't know who a soul who isn't afraid of rejection once they've formed an emotional connection with someone. Unrequited love is devastating... even if its only gone as far as a small connection without reciprocation.
Indeed!

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Old 07-08-2013, 11:56 AM   #26
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Eu nao sou viado mas vc e muito lindo. sua ex enamorada pode vai a cagar. e agora vc tem que fazer sex!!! nao tem que fazer enamorado!
haha! As garotas me chama "Senhor Galante com o grande picao".


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to falando em Português porque nao quero que o resto fique sabendo. eu também me separei da minha namorada recentemente. Ando pensando em fazer coisas com outras meninas, mais cara, não tem como.

Se eu você cara, daria uma acalmada e me focaria nas coisas que sao importantes. Talvez essa menina nova não sabe que voce quer uma coisa mais séria? Já pensou em falar para ela?
Vc separei com ela? Por que? Eu falou pra ela sobre algum a coisa mais seria, e ela me diz, "Acho que vc ainda tem sentimentos para sua ex". Eu nao sei por que ela achei isso, mas eu oferecido seguranca mais pra ela. Eu disse a ela, "Nao tem emocoes para meu ex.", e ela me diz, "Eu nao espero! Eu nao quero ser enganado." Na passado, ela me diz, "Eu quero te manter!!!!", e eu sinto mesmo tambem. Ela faz algo pra mim, dentro meu coracao.


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Eu tambem tenho problemas com minha enamorada... estou muito mal... estou em ruim. eu nao posso pensar em nada mas dela. nao posso dormir... nao posso respirar. estou com ela mais que um ano. agora ela esta no italia e nao regresa ate o fin de julio. filho da puta. ela nao quer fala com migo e eu no posso fazer MIERDA.

eu faz todo para esta brasileira ingrata. eu nao sei que vai pasar eu nao quero pensar em isso.

mas eu sinto para vcs... boa sorte.
Muito obrigado! Relacoes sao muito trabalho.

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Old 07-08-2013, 12:22 PM   #27
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I did! I can't lie man.....when I really find myself getting into somebody, I put in 110%. In majority of the situations I have a "one foot in, one foot out" mentality, so these rare occasions in which I invest myself just feel foreign. Much of the advice has reigned me in, and I'm going to refrain from making any real emotional statements (..even though I'm sure that something will be resting on the tip of my tongue at some point). Yesterday was the first time that we spent time together since Tuesday's workout/mini-tiff, and it was ever so slightly awkward at Raging Waters (..there was some tension; I could sense it in her body language immediately), but she started to come back around later that evening and was back to her old ways (..she lightly pinches me and plays with my ears when she's happy, much in the same way that I tend to massage her when I'm happy), so to speak, by the time the night ended.

I can't help it, but I'm really, really sensitive to behavior and behavioral changes in people (..for better or for worse). I am keen to it, and it's definitely something that probably saves my life on a daily basis. Where relationships are concerned, however, it may just need to be tempered down because I'm going to drive myself nuts.

Indeed!
Huge +1 to all of this. The girl I am with now is definitely a huge step up as far as a better fit for me than my Ex yet my ex still pops up in my mind. I can definitely tell I am not 110% in like I used to be. I suppose it's a good thing and we get along well. She is very understanding of this and even if we argue it never gets anywhere serious, we are able to communicate.
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:41 PM   #28
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haha! As garotas me chama "Senhor Galante com o grande picao".
Engraçado de mais kkkkkkkkk. Sua ex e brasileira? De onde e nova mulher?
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Old 07-08-2013, 12:50 PM   #29
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hahahahhahahah senhor galante
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Old 07-08-2013, 01:16 PM   #30
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Huge +1 to all of this. The girl I am with now is definitely a huge step up as far as a better fit for me than my Ex yet my ex still pops up in my mind. I can definitely tell I am not 110% in like I used to be. I suppose it's a good thing and we get along well. She is very understanding of this and even if we argue it never gets anywhere serious, we are able to communicate.
I think I'm the opposite now; I want to give 110%. There have been maybe 2 occasions where I've been 110% in (..both casual dating situations), and my last two long relationships aren't part of that number unfortunately (..I'd wager that I was 90% into my last relationship when it ended, but I was ramping up fast as I was planning to propose; 60% into the relationship before that, but both lasted upwards of 5 years). With this new girl, I feel much more willing and eager to open up and be present just based on how our personalities mesh, and how she compliments my lifestyle and makes me feel. Maybe it's because I've spent majority of my life NOT opening up and generally avoiding being present (..except for my most recent ex; she really is a great girl and she honestly deserved to be with someone better than the man I was when we were together; I had too many emotional hang-ups and that's what ultimately eroded her confidence in us........we are still good friends)!!?? I think I've grown a lot because of my last relationship, and it's causing me to not want to play the "in/out" game that I've played majority of my dating life. I am actually a bit envious of you man. You seem to have a good level of communication with the current woman in your life. I think that's where I've grown the most because I was a bad communicator in my last relationship (..at least with regards to tough issues; I'd close up!).


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Engraçado de mais kkkkkkkkk. Sua ex e brasileira? De onde e nova mulher?
Nao! Ela e' uma Americana (..do Wisconsin; Caucasian). Uma nova mulher e' uma Americana tambem (..ela e' misturada com Caucasian e Mexican).

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Old 07-08-2013, 01:26 PM   #31
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Americanas não sirva. Tem que encontrar uma mulher do latina america. Muito melhor. Mais agressiva no cama e som mais de fazer uma casa bom. Peito e bundão brasileira, nosssaaaaa! Mexicana ney? Legal... Certo que ela tem muito coração e é quente com você.
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Old 07-08-2013, 02:09 PM   #32
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Americanas não sirva. Tem que encontrar uma mulher do latina america. Muito melhor. Mais agressiva no cama e som mais de fazer uma casa bom. Peito e bundão brasileira, nosssaaaaa! Mexicana ney? Legal... Certo que ela tem muito coração e é quente com você.


Agora VOCE tornei engracado!!!! HAHA!


Te agradecer para as palavras sobre ela. Eu espero que sim! Parece que as coisas entre de nos sao muito boa mais tempos. Ela e' fogo meu amigao!
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Old 07-10-2013, 11:38 AM   #33
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Update:


After discussing the situation with my E46 brethren, I decided to also seek the consultation of a few women that I work with (..although they tend to have more masculine qualities, they are still women nonetheless) and a few women who are non-professional friends. Their advice differed a bit (..surprisingly!) from what some have offered here. I also concede that their advice was offered from the perspective of more mature, professionally stable women. Nonetheless, they suggested that I not waste time trying to play games (..i.e...dial it back in an attempt to make her wonder, etc.), and instead, just have a very honest conversation and lay it on the table. Worst case scenario? She's not at the same point emotionally and I will be left to decide whether or not I want to deal with it or venture to greener pastures. Best case scenario? She confesses her love and we live happily ever after. The likely/realistic scenario? It falls somewhere in between the two, and I/we are left to nurture the "relationship" to see where it goes.

So I decided to heed that advice and seek to have an honest conversation with her. We had planned to workout yesterday and spend the evening together, but I got held up at work (..and she had something to take care of unexpectedly), so we cancelled the workout. Instead, I cooked us dinner and she stayed the night. The vibe was really cool. No tension! No remnants of residual frustration because of what happened last Tuesday! WIN! The night was paced well, and as timing would have it, the conversation occurred in bed (..pre-sex). Miscellaneous conversational topics aside, I basically expressed to her that I enjoyed spending time with her (..and that I cared about her), and that I wanted a more exclusive relationship. I basically wanted to confirm that we were on the same page, and that neither of us were dating anybody else. She responded that she already considered us to be exclusive, and that she had felt that way for awhile. I didn't try to get into detail about how she/we defined exclusive; I just took it at face value. She stated that she likes the way things are going right now, and she doesn't want anything to change. The outcome of the discussion was sufficient enough for me at this present time, so I feel less.....stressed, for the lack of a better term. I guess we'll see how it goes.


Another female friend did offer some additional perspective. Considering that the girl I'm dating ended her relationship around the same time that I ended mine, it is presumed that she is still healing from that to some degree. It was also presumed that she isn't quite ready to declare "You're my significant other/boyfriend/etc." yet. When I inquired about the reasons why she made that proclamation, my friend stated, "Right now she's enjoying spending time with you while still making time to hang out with her girls post-break up. Trying to find balance so to speak. She probably realizes that once you two declare something official (..read: SERIOUS!), time with her friends will likely be reduced in favor of spending much more quality time with you......which is both conducive to, and respectful of, a healthy progressive relationship. You just need to give her the time & space to go through this phase. She will eventually come to you with her time and become more singularly focused on you/the relationship that you are nourishing, so don't be an asshole and blow her off when that time comes."

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Old 07-10-2013, 12:07 PM   #34
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same exact sh1t I dealt with man. We were exclusive but it still felt a little off. My gf was engaged 6 months before we met so there is a period at our ages where woman need to make sure they're making the right decisions, especially since she was smart enough to walk away from her last guy knowing it wouldn't work long term.
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Old 07-10-2013, 12:16 PM   #35
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Update:


After discussing the situation with my E46 brethren, I decided to also seek the consultation of a few women that I work with (..although they tend to have more masculine qualities; most female officers do....but they are still women nonetheless) and a few women who are non-professional friends. Their advice differed a bit (..surprisingly!) from what some have offered here. I also concede that their advice was offered from the perspective of more mature, professionally stable women. Nonetheless, they suggested that I not waste time trying to play games (..i.e...dial it back in an attempt to make her wonder, etc.), and instead, just have a very honest conversation and lay it on the table. Worst case scenario? She's not at the same point emotionally and I will be left to decide whether or not I want to deal with it or venture to greener pastures. Best case scenario? She confesses her love and we live happily ever after. The likely/realistic scenario? It falls somewhere in between the two, and I/we are left to nurture the "relationship" to see where it goes.

So I decided to heed that advice and seek to have an honest conversation with her. We had planned to workout yesterday and spend the evening together, but I got held up at work (..and she had something to take care of unexpectedly), so we cancelled the workout. Instead, I cooked us dinner and she stayed the night. The vibe was really cool. No tension! No remnants of residual frustration because of what happened last Tuesday! WIN! The night was paced well, and as timing would have it, the conversation occurred in bed (..pre-sex). Miscellaneous conversational topics aside, I basically expressed to her that I enjoyed spending time with her (..and that I cared about her), and that I wanted a more exclusive relationship. I basically wanted to confirm that we were on the same page, and that neither of us were dating anybody else. She responded that she already considered us to be exclusive, and that she had felt that way for awhile. I didn't try to get into detail about how she/we defined exclusive; I just took it at face value. She stated that she likes the way things are going right now, and she doesn't want anything to change. The outcome of the discussion was sufficient enough for me at this present time, so I feel less.....stressed, for the lack of a better term. I guess we'll see how it goes.


Another female friend did offer some additional perspective. Considering that the girl I'm dating ended her relationship around the same time that I ended mine, it is presumed that she is still healing from that to some degree. It was also presumed that she isn't quite ready to declare "You're my significant other/boyfriend/etc." yet. When I inquired about the reasons why she made that proclamation, my friend stated, "Right now she's enjoying spending time with you while still making time to hang out with her girls post-break up. Trying to find balance so to speak. She probably realizes that once you two declare something official (..read: SERIOUS!), time with her friends will likely be reduced in favor of spending much more quality time with you......which is both conducive to, and respectful of, a healthy progressive relationship. You just need to give her the time & space to go through this phase. She will eventually come to you with her time and become more singularly focused on you/the relationship that you are nourishing, so don't be an asshole and blow her off when that time comes."

Ha! Isn't it funny that the women (whom would be getting games played on) are the ones to say don't play games with her just be straight forward (doesn't everyone just want everyone to be straight forward to some degree?) While the men in here say to play her like a fiddle and she'll come looking for more etc.

I think a combination of both perspectives is ideal, which it sounds like you're doing very well at. Definitely do not want to drive her away by playing games, NOR do you want to do what you did the other day and spook her by being too straight forward. Keep this pace up, as long as there is no tension and she seems happy then keep it right here, cruise control buddy.

*I also do NOT know how you workout together. Taking your workouts over in H&F and combining them with a woman who brings in external things outside the gym to be thinking about, thinking about how to keep it tension free, keep your fling progressing, I couldn't do that while lifting. When I lift I separate from the world outside the gym. Its my one and only place to do that.
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Old 07-10-2013, 12:19 PM   #36
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same exact sh1t I dealt with man. We were exclusive but it still felt a little off. My gf was engaged 6 months before we met so there is a period at our ages where woman need to make sure they're making the right decisions, especially since she was smart enough to walk away from her last guy knowing it wouldn't work long term.

I didn't really consider what SHE may be dealing with emotionally, so the added perspective caused me to take a step back and consider it (..although I can tell that she isn't giving me 100% yet). How long did it take your girl to come around?
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Old 07-10-2013, 12:28 PM   #37
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Ha! Isn't it funny that the women (whom would be getting games played on) are the ones to say don't play games with her just be straight forward (doesn't everyone just want everyone to be straight forward to some degree?) While the men in here say to play her like a fiddle and she'll come looking for more etc.

I think a combination of both perspectives is ideal, which it sounds like you're doing very well at. Definitely do not want to drive her away by playing games, NOR do you want to do what you did the other day and spook her by being too straight forward. Keep this pace up, as long as there is no tension and she seems happy then keep it right here, cruise control buddy.

*I also do NOT know how you workout together. Taking your workouts over in H&F and combining them with a woman who brings in external things outside the gym to be thinking about, thinking about how to keep it tension free, keep your fling progressing, I couldn't do that while lifting. When I lift I separate from the world outside the gym. Its my one and only place to do that.
Thanks for that feedback bro. I am still mind-boggled at my seemingly "deer in headlights" reaction to this entire situation. Emotions are an odd circumstance of the human existence. I can turn them off under most circumstances, but fvck if I can do that with this chick. It's just crazy!

As for the gym thing....

...it's funny that you mentioned that. When we do workout together, I do go less hard than if I were working out alone, but that's because I'm conversing between sets and engaged in external things. So your point is valid. Fortunately I get my fair share of solo "balls to the wall" type workouts in, so I am attempting to strike a balance. Sometimes our workouts might be the only time that I get to see her on any given day, so I take advantage of those moments.

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Old 07-10-2013, 02:02 PM   #38
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Idk man, I'd stop working out with her.
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Old 07-10-2013, 02:12 PM   #39
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I didn't really consider what SHE may be dealing with emotionally, so the added perspective caused me to take a step back and consider it (..although I can tell that she isn't giving me 100% yet). How long did it take your girl to come around?
Been with her about 7 months and we recently had a talk about how she is reserved. She is over the dude which is obvious by the way she talks about it with such indifference and since she walked away but the situation kind of messed her up. They were together 5 years and he turned out to be someone that she didn't expect and she felt tricked she says. It doesn't help that one of her good friends ended up dating him shortly after they broke up, which I just recently found out about. So she's hurt by that even though she doesn't care about the guy. She said she confided in this girl about the ending relationship and then she ends up dating him. I can understand that messing her up and she asked me how people can be like that and I just tell her some people are just bad friends and she's better off without them. I was much like you where I didn't get it especially since she left him but we talked about it and slowed down for a few weeks and she seems to be 100% into me now. She admits she was scared of us not working and didn't want to go all in until she was sure. She seems sure now, 7 months later, and exactly 1 year and 2 months after her broken engagement. Talks of a future, possibly moving, and things like that have been said. I'm just taking it day by day but it seems great. There isn't a day where I wake up and look at her that there isn't a huge smile on her face. I tend to stress out and read into everything though. I guess it's natural.
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Old 07-10-2013, 02:35 PM   #40
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Women DO NOT want a needy man, especially at the beginning, and you already questioning her comes off as needy. I think you miss what you had with your ex as far as a relationship/companion and you're rushing to get back to there. Single women with any type of brains and confidence are like turkeys, you have to be quiet and let them come to you so to speak. Women read men emotionally to see what they're thinking, so expressing emotions gives them an easy book. Never show any emotion until you've both crossed that emotional barrier of dating, and then start to add real emotion.

If I were you right now, I would pull back and tell the girl you need some space. It's the opposite of what both of you want right now, and it will flip the script and she'll wonder. Men can have wants and emotion, just can't show it. I'd say 6 months in is when you can start to express yourself. Until then, you're "dating ," not in a relationship.
This.
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