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Love Line

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Old 07-13-2013, 01:32 PM   #61
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Obrigado amigo... eu acho tambem... eu mandei uma mensagem privado
Ta bom!
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Old 07-15-2013, 09:17 AM   #62
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Probably an unpopular position but not sure why men or women have to play these games. I don't think you sound 'needy' at all-but what did strike me is that you have not made the relationship with her anything "official"-so I feel like you have no say, really, in anything else she does. If it's any consolation, OP, we women go through the same thing, promise. I just started dating a guy about 3 weeks ago-spent a lot of time together at first, lots of texting, talking, etc. You know, certain patterns are established. He would send me a "good morning" text every morning, never fail. This past weekend he went quiet-I reached out, said hello, asked how he was doing...... crickets. I just don't get it. Never will.
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Old 07-15-2013, 09:39 AM   #63
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Probably an unpopular position but not sure why men or women have to play these games. I don't think you sound 'needy' at all-but what did strike me is that you have not made the relationship with her anything "official"-so I feel like you have no say, really, in anything else she does. If it's any consolation, OP, we women go through the same thing, promise. I just started dating a guy about 3 weeks ago-spent a lot of time together at first, lots of texting, talking, etc. You know, certain patterns are established. He would send me a "good morning" text every morning, never fail. This past weekend he went quiet-I reached out, said hello, asked how he was doing...... crickets. I just don't get it. Never will.
People change their minds with now warning signs sometimes. It's really sh1tty.
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Old 07-15-2013, 12:15 PM   #64
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Probably an unpopular position but not sure why men or women have to play these games. I don't think you sound 'needy' at all-but what did strike me is that you have not made the relationship with her anything "official"-so I feel like you have no say, really, in anything else she does. If it's any consolation, OP, we women go through the same thing, promise. I just started dating a guy about 3 weeks ago-spent a lot of time together at first, lots of texting, talking, etc. You know, certain patterns are established. He would send me a "good morning" text every morning, never fail. This past weekend he went quiet-I reached out, said hello, asked how he was doing...... crickets. I just don't get it. Never will.

It's those patterns - or the deviations from those established patterns - that contributed to the way I was feeling. I did have the "exclusive" talk with her last week (..which, despite feeling better, still leaves me confused about whether or not I should be calling her "girlfriend" or not; most of my female friends suggested that I should just begin introducing her as such, so I will heed that advice.), so I feel like it has been established that we are "together". She spent this past weekend with me, so at least I was a happy camper Saturday and Sunday. She also left a toothbrush. Good sign I suppose!

Thank you for chiming in as a female. It's always great to have perspective from the opposite sex. Sorry to hear about what's going on with you and your guy. That would cause my alarm bells to ring as well. Has he responded this morning?

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Old 07-15-2013, 02:07 PM   #65
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Ah, I see. I didn't realize you guys had had the "DTR"-LOL (Define the Relationship).

No, no word- it seems rather than having a conversation, many (but not all) guys just prefer to do the slow fade away and assume we will eventually get the clue.
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Old 07-15-2013, 03:22 PM   #66
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Ah, I see. I didn't realize you guys had had the "DTR"-LOL (Define the Relationship).

No, no word- it seems rather than having a conversation, many (but not all) guys just prefer to do the slow fade away and assume we will eventually get the clue.

Yeah, it actually happened about a week after our minor disagreement. I figured that I'd lay it on the line (..as suggested by a few female friends/acquaintances) and see how she responded to my request for "exclusivity". I was the shocked that she had already considered us to be, but happy nonetheless.

I wish more men (..and women) would be forthright about their feelings. Avoiding a direct conversation just continues the cycle of communication issues between the genders.

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Old 07-15-2013, 03:40 PM   #67
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Everyone says they wish everyone was straight forward and honest. The only problem is no one actually does want honesty, because they can't handle it. People also don't want straightforwardness because we inherently enjoy a challenge and chase.

To the girl: what if this guy that faded away told you the reason he decided to leave was because you didn't physically attract him as much as he initially thought, or you have major insecurity issues that he didn't like. If he faded away, that means he's letting you off easy rather than pointing out something you may or may not enjoy hearing. I don't think you deserve an explanation after a couple weeks.
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Old 07-15-2013, 03:48 PM   #68
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Everyone says they wish everyone was straight forward and honest. The only problem is no one actually does want honesty, because they can't handle it. People also don't want straightforwardness because we inherently enjoy a challenge and chase.

To the girl: what if this guy that faded away told you the reason he decided to leave was because you didn't physically attract him as much as he initially thought, or you have major insecurity issues that he didn't like. If he faded away, that means he's letting you off easy rather than pointing out something you may or may not enjoy hearing. I don't think you deserve an explanation after a couple weeks.
agreed. I never faded away because I liked everything about a person. If I was honest with people I would just be and assh0le.
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Old 07-15-2013, 04:03 PM   #69
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Everyone says they wish everyone was straight forward and honest. The only problem is no one actually does want honesty, because they can't handle it. People also don't want straightforwardness because we inherently enjoy a challenge and chase.

To the girl: what if this guy that faded away told you the reason he decided to leave was because you didn't physically attract him as much as he initially thought, or you have major insecurity issues that he didn't like. If he faded away, that means he's letting you off easy rather than pointing out something you may or may not enjoy hearing. I don't think you deserve an explanation after a couple weeks.
I agree with you regarding people being unable to handle honesty, but I don't think that being forthright necessarily removes the challenge and the chase. I've pursued women who were straight forward (..i.e..We can't date because we work together....I like you, but I'm not willing to give you the time of day until you prove to me that you're worth it (or that I'm worth it to you)....etc.), and that didn't kill the chase nor the challenge for me. What it DID do was rule out any superfluous assumptions that I would have added had I not known their reasoning. I'm a big boy; I can handle rejection. I deal best with direct individuals because I don't have time to play Sherlock Holmes with emotions, and in return I'm direct about how I feel.


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agreed. I never faded away because I liked everything about a person. If I was honest with people I would just be and assh0le.
I think you can be direct and honest without being crass or an assh0le. The former doesn't have to be synonymous with the latter.

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Old 07-15-2013, 04:03 PM   #70
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agreed. I never faded away because I liked everything about a person. If I was honest with people I would just be and assh0le.
I've received angry Word documents, voicemails, friends of theirs to convince, damn near everything after fading away. Which is why I preach leave emotion out of it until you know both parties are equally invested. Leave emotion out makes it easy to walk away for both parties after attempting an adult "relationship" that failed.

As CRSmoak said, focus on making yourself happy and someone that the opposite sex would want. Don't assume you're not a catch and death grip the first person you meet.
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Old 07-15-2013, 04:04 PM   #71
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I agree with you regarding people being unable to handle honesty, but I don't think that being forthright necessarily removes the challenge and the chase. I've pursued women who were straight forward (..i.e..we can't date because we work together......I like you, but I'm not willing to give you the time of day until you prove to me that you're worth it (or that I'm worth it to you)....etc.), and that didn't kill the chase nor the challenge for me.




I think you can be direct and honest without being crass or an assh0le. The former doesn't have to be synonymous with the latter.
The challenge was you worked together
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Old 07-15-2013, 04:12 PM   #72
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I agree with you regarding people being unable to handle honesty, but I don't think that being forthright necessarily removes the challenge and the chase. I've pursued women who were straight forward (..i.e..We can't date because we work together.....I like you, but I'm not willing to give you the time of day until you prove to me that you're worth it (or that I'm worth it to you)....etc.), and that didn't kill the chase nor the challenge for me. What it DID do was rule out any superfluous assumptions that I would have added had I not known their reasoning. I'm a big boy; I can handle rejection. I deal best with direct individuals because I don't have time to play Sherlock Holmes with emotions, and in return I'm direct about how I feel.




I think you can be direct and honest without being crass or an assh0le. The former doesn't have to be synonymous with the latter.
Tell someone you find them unattractive in the nicest way possible and you're still going to be and assh0le to all her friends lol.

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Old 07-15-2013, 04:23 PM   #73
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Let me clarify. We inherently want a challenge, but a good portion of society settles. We don't NEED a challenge, we just prefer it.
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Old 07-15-2013, 04:33 PM   #74
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Tell someone you find them unattractive in the nicest way possible and you're still going to be and assh0le to all her friends lol.
FWIW, I'm not going to get involved with somebody who is unable to rustle my jimmies. I have never had to have that kind of talk with a female. Granted, I have been involved with women whom I wasn't attracted enough to want to date them seriously, but they were attractive enough to hang with casually.


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Let me clarify. We inherently want a challenge, but a good portion of society settles. We don't NEED a challenge, we just prefer it.
Let's build on this. What are the challenges that we (..men) look for/prefer? I'm asking out of sheer curiosity. A reasonable amount of chase (..subjective I know) is okay, but I refuse to bend over backwards just to land a date.

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Old 07-15-2013, 04:44 PM   #75
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FWIW, I'm not going to get involved with somebody who is unable to rustle my jimmies. I have never had to have that kind of talk with a female. Granted, I have been involved with women whom I wasn't attracted enough to want to date them seriously, but they were attractive enough to hang with casually.




Let's build on this. What are the challenges that we (..men) look for/prefer? I'm asking out of sheer curiosity. A reasonable amount of chase (..subjective I know) is okay, but I refuse to bend over backwards just to land a date.
So when you didn't want to talk to them what did you do?

I don't know how I feel about a challenge. I look at a challenge a lot of times as playing games and just bounce. If my current gf made it a challenge to hang out with her I wouldn't be where I am with her now.

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Old 07-15-2013, 04:51 PM   #76
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According to Freud, the challenge is finding someone like our mother . We all want someone to be a quality mother, quality father, quality spouse, honest, good looking, sexually arousing, and whatever relative qualities your life experiences has caused you to want or enjoy (e.g. A feisty girl if that's your cup of tea). Now, if you're a good looking girl that has everyone of those qualities, would you be easy? That's the challenge, landing all of them in one. At the end of the day, we want to know we landed the "one." Most start eliminating certain requirements because of difficulty or loneliness, and that curbs the want of a challenge.

Same goes for star fvckers, cleat chasers, gold diggers, band groupies. They love the challenge.

It's my theory that divorce is prominent now because of this very issue. Back in the day before women's rights, they realized they needed to get married to survive (calm down; this is true stuff). Women only had rights through their husband. They realized landing a good man was hard because every woman was out for the same. Now with equality, women and men are getting to a point in the marriage that they realized they settled and never had a challenge, and walk away for something else.
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Old 07-15-2013, 04:55 PM   #77
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So when you didn't want to talk to them what did you do?

I don't know how I feel about a challenge. I look at a challenge a lot of times as playing games and just bounce. If my current gf made it a challenge to hang out with her I wouldn't be where I am with her now.
People are misconstruing challenge for games. It's not even remotely like playing games. It's not being emotional, not rushing things, focusing on yourself, and staying true to your wants. A vast majority of men completely throw themselves under a bus to get a good looking girl, and they don't even realize they're doing it. I never said ignore texts, or stand her up to show her who's boss or anything of the likes.

Show interest, not emotion, and don't put the pvssy on a pedastal.
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Old 07-15-2013, 04:58 PM   #78
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It makes sense. I guess the challenge for me was getting the girl I thought had all the qualities I wanted. Awesome personality, beautiful, good body, into similar things as me, not superficial at all etc.

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Old 07-15-2013, 05:14 PM   #79
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So when you didn't want to talk to them what did you do?

I don't know how I feel about a challenge. I look at a challenge a lot of times as playing games and just bounce. If my current gf made it a challenge to hang out with her I wouldn't be where I am with her now.

Well, I went into those situations by first having a conversation outlining what I was/wasn't looking for, and with the understanding that it'll be short term (..be it a few weeks or a few months).
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Old 07-16-2013, 09:16 AM   #80
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Thank you, M3Inline6 - you absolutely read my mind-and very well stated.

CollinsE90, I hear you, and respect your opinion, but I'd like to agree to disagree.

I would much rather hear from the guy "you know, I'm just not that into you" than just all of a sudden, after spending a lot of time together, lots of calls, texting, etc. over the course of a few weeks into just nothing.

I don't have any expectations whatsoever that any guy I go out with is going to be that into me. It happens. I am sometimes not into them, anyway. But if it's me that's not into them I do the courtesy of telling them in an appropriate way that I'm not feeling the right connection to move forward.
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