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Love Line

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Old 07-16-2013, 09:07 AM   #81
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Originally Posted by Interlagos View Post
Thank you, M3Inline6 - you absolutely read my mind-and very well stated.

CollinsE90, I hear you, and respect your opinion, but I'd like to agree to disagree.

I would much rather hear from the guy "you know, I'm just not that into you" than just all of a sudden, after spending a lot of time together, lots of calls, texting, etc. over the course of a few weeks into just nothing.

I don't have any expectations whatsoever that any guy I go out with is going to be that into me. It happens. I am sometimes not into them, anyway. But if it's me that's not into them I do the courtesy of telling them in an appropriate way that I'm not feeling the right connection to move forward.
That's not a bad let down though.

You're fat, you're physically unattractive, you smell in certain areas, and you're broke and too dependent are some examples of reasons for not continuing with someone that will totally kill their self esteem. I would much rather have someone fade away then tell me any of that. I live wya too close to a 200ft high bridge lol.

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Old 07-16-2013, 11:59 AM   #82
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That's not a bad let down though.

You're fat, you're physically unattractive, you smell in certain areas, and you're broke and too dependent are some examples of reasons for not continuing with someone that will totally kill their self esteem. I would much rather have someone fade away then tell me any of that. I live wya too close to a 200ft high bridge lol.

That's where a little bit of human decency and consideration come into effect. Even if you're breaking it off because of odd smells or weight, you don't necessarily have to pinpoint that as your reasoning. A simple, "I'm just not feeling a romantic connection with you" will/should suffice. If it's due to financial irresponsibility or dependency, those are issues that CAN be addressed and improved upon if you desire to be with that person. It just depends on your perspective and what you're looking to accomplish.


P.S. Thanks Interlagos.

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Old 07-16-2013, 12:22 PM   #83
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That's where a little bit of human decency and consideration come into effect. Even if you're breaking it off because of odd smells or weight, you don't necessarily have to pinpoint that as your reasoning. A simple, "I'm just not feeling a romantic connection with you" will/should suffice. If it's due to financial irresponsibility or dependency, those are issues that CAN be addressed and improved upon if you desire to be with that person. It just depends on your perspective and what you're looking to accomplish.


P.S. Thanks Interlagos.
exactly why people that say they want to hear the truth are full of sh1t lol. If someone thinks I'm ugly do not tell me. I will not be happy lol.
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Old 07-16-2013, 12:27 PM   #84
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exactly why people that say they want to hear the truth are full of sh1t lol. If someone thinks I'm ugly do not tell me. I will not be happy lol.

With reference to the "truth".....


.....we just meant the truth regarding whether or not you still want to be involved. The end result is the same regardless of the reason, but if it's something potentially demeaning, demoralizing or is a bonafide self-esteem slasher, it really isn't necessary to hurt somebody like that. It's just cruel and inconsiderate.

To your credit though, telling a significant other who wasn't overweight when you met, but gradually began to put on weight (..thus, killing your attraction) is a difficult thing to address. With that said, I'd still be diplomatically honest about my attraction issues. This is why I strive to maintain myself when I begin dating a woman. Barring some medical/physical limitation, I will always seek to look my very best for my mate. A woman will never have to worry about me letting myself go. It's the least that I can do for her aside from treating her respectfully and loving her genuinely.

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Old 07-16-2013, 02:01 PM   #85
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I don't care if we agree or not. You're thinking about it from naive female point of view and need to look at it objectively. I'm telling you EXACTLY what the guy you just mentioned did. I promise you he made your life for the next 3 months much easier. The fact that you posted the story here means it hurt you, because you got an initial attachment. You can't get different outcomes if you don't make adjustments.
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Old 07-16-2013, 11:24 PM   #86
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Collins, perhaps you're missing the bigger picture; yes he could've been blunt even to the point of cruelty, or he could've simply given a good justification, a lie, some truths, or both.

You've been dating a woman and you care for her very much, bad news she wants to break up. Would you prefer her to simply disappear, ignore your texts and calls, to leave you without any real explanation of what happened or why.

Or would you rather her express that she cares for you deeply, that she loves spending time with you and sharing experiences with you but would rather do so as a good friend. That she isn't ready for a relationship, work, stress, etc., and/or whatever.

In the end there really is no right or wrong way to go about these things, there are only better aways and worse ways, all them very dependent upon the circumstances of which there are too many to count.
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Old 07-16-2013, 11:43 PM   #87
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exactly why people that say they want to hear the truth are full of sh1t lol. If someone thinks I'm ugly do not tell me. I will not be happy lol.
I agree this is likely true of most, however for some maybe not so much. Many find the idea of death to be stressful and frighting, on some level perhaps even crippling; yet some find the idea of it to be liberating and use it as a catalyst towards something else, something greater, some thrive in it. Others may simply not care and it'll have little to no effect on them. Though not as extreme the same could be said of the former, again, all very situational dependent.
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Old 07-17-2013, 12:24 AM   #88
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Collins, perhaps you're missing the bigger picture; yes he could've been blunt even to the point of cruelty, or he could've simply given a good justification, a lie, some truths, or both.

You've been dating a woman and you care for her very much, bad news she wants to break up. Would you prefer her to simply disappear, ignore your texts and calls, to leave you without any real explanation of what happened or why.

Or would you rather her express that she cares for you deeply, that she loves spending time with you and sharing experiences with you but would rather do so as a good friend. That she isn't ready for a relationship, work, stress, etc., and/or whatever.

In the end there really is no right or wrong way to go about these things, there are only better aways and worse ways, all them very dependent upon the circumstances of which there are too many to count.
She "dated" for 3 weeks. That's not deeply caring for someone and not the case. I give advice based on situation. If they're together a few months, different story.
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Old 07-17-2013, 02:11 AM   #89
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To Interlagos: Not trying to be an ass or anything, I understand your want to have him say "I'm just not that into you," but it could be something he may not like that he may feel will hurt your feelings. It could be simple, it could be something he has an issue with personally and not your fault he doesn't like that; you never know. I try to be straightforward with girls, but sometimes girls fall too quickly and they'll be devastated if you point out a major flaw they already know they have. However, I don't lead them on emotionally. Whatever emotion they gain is their issue and I don't give them any reason to gain it other than pure attraction. If your guy was strong about wanting to date you and hinting heavily, he was being inconsiderate; it's relative to the situation.

Edit: I've ran into multiple girls I faded away with, and almost all bounced back relatively quickly and already were with new people. Never seemed to be bad blood between because I made it easier than they realized because I noticed we just weren't a good fit, and they found a better one.
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Old 07-17-2013, 11:15 AM   #90
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Collins, perhaps you're missing the bigger picture; yes he could've been blunt even to the point of cruelty, or he could've simply given a good justification, a lie, some truths, or both.

You've been dating a woman and you care for her very much, bad news she wants to break up. Would you prefer her to simply disappear, ignore your texts and calls, to leave you without any real explanation of what happened or why.

Or would you rather her express that she cares for you deeply, that she loves spending time with you and sharing experiences with you but would rather do so as a good friend. That she isn't ready for a relationship, work, stress, etc., and/or whatever.

In the end there really is no right or wrong way to go about these things, there are only better aways and worse ways, all them very dependent upon the circumstances of which there are too many to count.
I'd rather not hear that personally but that's just me. It'd piss me off too much, if she isn't into it then I'd rather cut it off no emotions and just move on. I just look at those reasons as excuses and I wouldn't understand. So for me it's best for a girl and I to say it didn't work and move on.
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Old 07-17-2013, 01:29 PM   #91
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Ironic we are talking about this..but this girl is hitting me up right now..I've been kind of ignoring her but not on purpose, I just genuinely forgot about her because I'm not into her. Truthfully, I'm not physically attracted to her like I thought I was...going to cut it off (luckily we only went on one date) rather than fade away. It won't be I loved hanging out with you type, just kind of straight forward that I'm not interested (but with some courtesy as to not be too curt.

EDIT I just said I'm down to hang out as friends, she was cool with it...easy
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Old 07-17-2013, 01:34 PM   #92
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CollinsE90-- I understand. Srsly, I'm over it-- it's really more just annoying than anything. 'Nough said.
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Old 07-17-2013, 02:25 PM   #93
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"Exclusive girl" and I spent the weekend together, and the vibe was good. I honestly didn't expect to see her nor have her spend the night Saturday (..and I had resigned myself to other plans........which I cut short once she made it known that she wanted to stay the night). We were supposed to go to Universal Studios on Sunday, but we ended up spending the entire day in pajamas watching Season 1 of Dexter. Oddly enough she left a toothbrush this time.

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Old 07-17-2013, 02:48 PM   #94
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"Exclusive girl" and I spent the weekend together, and the vibe was good. I honestly didn't expect to see her nor have her spend the night Saturday (..and I had resigned myself to other plans........which I cut short once she made it known that she wanted to stay the night). We were supposed to go to Universal Studios on Sunday, but we ended up spending the entire day in pajamas watching Season 1 of Dexter. Oddly enough she left a toothbrush this time.
My gf and I caught the last half of dexter from 2 weeks ago and she seemed interested and wants to watch it from the start now. I don't know if I want to invest that kind of time but I'd definitely watch season 1 again.

BTW, you sound exactly like me man. I was all about that tooth brush stuff too. She left hers after about a week though. A lot of talk about my roommate situation is happening now. I'll be honest it's a little weird for a 30 year old but I'm making out good. I have a 3 bedroom house and use the downstairs as my room which is very private. It's almost like another apartment. There's a total of 4 of us here now. 3 guys 1 girl. Rarely is there ever 2 people home at a time because of our schedules. There's a bathroom in my room but no shower so she feels kind of funny getting ready here in the mornings so we usually go to her house to sleep. The problem is I live for almost free with the 3 friends I have living here. I probably pay out a few hundred a month. Until we're ready to move in together there is no reason to change what I have going on and I explained that. I got kind of annoyed at her about a week ago thought because she said "everyone I talk to thinks it's weird". I wanted to say well whoever you told is a dumbbass because I'm not going to take money out of my pockets and live in a 2000sq ft house as a single 30 year old dude. Financially it doesn't make sense. I told her it kind of offended me and she apologized. I understand where she's coming from because a 30 year old dude shouldn't have 3 roommates but she needs to realize $1400 a month extra is worth having some friends around. Especially because at this point she is just a gf and although talks of future have happened, no moves are being made yet, and shouldn't imo.

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Old 07-17-2013, 03:32 PM   #95
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^I agree with your logic whole heartedly solly, its amazing how much influence a friend of a woman can have...you are being logical, her friends just think it's "weird" lol
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Old 07-17-2013, 03:51 PM   #96
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^I agree with your logic whole heartedly solly, its amazing how much influence a friend of a woman can have...you are being logical, her friends just think it's "weird" lol
They see a 30 year old living with his friends. Not an financially educated home owner making another 16,800 a year for doing nothing. Broads...lol

I don't make a ton. Right over 50k a year from my regular job. With this extra money I still don't know where my money goes. I'm assuming right in the toilet by means of digestion of over priced restaurant food and drinks.
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Old 07-17-2013, 04:03 PM   #97
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One of her preferences is an independent man, one of her challenges. Good thing you have the ability to do so if wanted.

Using friends' opinion so she doesn't have to admit it's one of her things.

For Solly not Op if it wasn't clear
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Old 07-17-2013, 06:31 PM   #98
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One of her preferences is an independent man, one of her challenges. Good thing you have the ability to do so if wanted.

Using friends' opinion so she doesn't have to admit it's one of her things.

For Solly not Op if it wasn't clear
Def right. I totally understand it. And honestly the hard part isn't the mortgage. It's all the other bs expensive a that go along with the house. High oil bill, cable, electric, insurance etc. If I had a small condo or apartment a normal 30 year old single dude had it would be no issue.

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Old 07-17-2013, 07:59 PM   #99
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Def right. I totally understand it. And honestly the hard part isn't the mortgage. It's all the other bs expensive a that go along with the house. High oil bill, cable, electric, insurance etc. If I had a small condo or apartment a normal 30 year old single dude had it would be no issue.

When do you think that you two will move in together?
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:07 PM   #100
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When do you think that you two will move in together?
I'm not too sure actually. I'd say if everything is going smoothly 6months-year or so. These almost 8 months flew by. I'm not in any rush yet.
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