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Old 07-31-2013, 12:58 AM   #1
Ethaniscool
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At a loss on what to do. Advice needed.

So this whole story is kinda long, so I will try my best to condense it.

I was 19 at this time.
I meet a girl on Facebook who had just recently moved close to me. She was pretty, intelligent, a year younger then me. We had the same style, same interests. Basically for me, I felt she was the complete package. So I take her on a had full of dates and all is well. Then she drops on me she has a kid. I had fallen very hard for this girl and her child wasn't a big deal and I liked her enough to look past it. BUT I did make it very clear that I was not a "sugar daddy" or "A knight in shinning armor" Cause at the time I was making very good money for my age and had a lot going for me at the time. She said she understood and that was not her intentions. So great. Well, we date for a about 2 months, and I notice she was getting very distant. I tried my best to figure out what was going on but I was unlucky.

Then I get the call. "IM PREGNANT". The condom had broken the last time we had sex so It made sense. So I tried to approach it as mature as I could. I was very excited and was looking forward to everything. She showed sighs of depression and just completely down. After talking she felt she couldn't have the child in her current circumstances. So I told her that I wished to keep it but I support her in whatever decision she makes. She stops talking to me for about a week and then I get a call where she tells me that she is on the way to the abortion clinic and that I shouldn't worry. Obviously a lot of **** went through my head.

Then she vanished. She had moved, wouldn't answer phone calls, texts, Her Facebook was gone. Everything.

Fast Forward two years and I get a random text while riding my bike in town. "Nice bike" from her. So I find out she ended up moving back to her moms, Finding a guy that lived in the same town as me, moving back and having a kid for him. At this point im like WHAT THE ACTUAL ****. I'm very angry because she couldn't carry my child but this random guy **** works out. But I was just so happy that i FINALLY heard from her that I looked past it.

So we started going on "walmart trips" with the kids. We basically just shop together, very short texts here and there. Her new Husband supports her hanging with me (Though he knows nothing of our history). This goes on for about 9 months. All this time I can 100% tell she still cares for me. Subtle looks, and hugs, things like that stand out. Then she finds out that he cheated on her. BOOM divorce. So they separate and she begins to tell me that She loves me more than anyone and that leaving me was one of the worst decisions of her life and she wished she had carried the baby to full term and all that. Spilling her heart out about wanting to answer the phone every time I called and so forth. That hit me very hard because She has been the one girl I have never gotten over. Well, since the separation, we spent a little time together and she came to my new place. She explained that she had wanted to get back with me but was obviously stuck because of her marriage. She said she thought about cheating on him with me, But she didn't want me to look down on her and that she wanted to show me that no matter what she is always faithful. Which is awesome

Well, after all this, she had to move back close to her parents 4 hours away.
She is now in school and doing everything she should be. She is a FANTASTIC mother and a fantastic person in general.

Here is the problem, I'm currently broke to all hell (55$ to my name for the next two weeks) Im just starting a new job. I feel like I have nothing to offer her. She says that I am the only guy she wants in her life, and I feel the same for her. I just feel like I have nothing to offer her. I want to be with her but the distance and financial situation is a bit hard right now.


What should I do?
I am currently 22 going on 23.

Oh and I know you all like pictures lol







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Old 07-31-2013, 01:01 AM   #2
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At a loss on what to do. Advice needed.

so you want to make the third kid?
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Old 07-31-2013, 01:05 AM   #3
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If money is a problem with her now it will be a problem with her later. Marry for love or not at all. Just my take on life

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Old 07-31-2013, 01:20 AM   #4
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so you want to make the third kid?
I mean If that happens then so be it. But defiantly not trying to do that.

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If money is a problem with her now it will be a problem with her later. Marry for love or not at all. Just my take on life

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Money isn't problem for her now, I just feel like I only have love to offer but that TO ME isn't enough. My father never supported my mother so I kinda feel like its "My job" if that makes sense. But she knows now that I have no money.
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Old 07-31-2013, 03:05 AM   #5
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I don't know something just doesn't sit well...This isn't Hollywood where a great girl goes around dating a dick and is saved by the good guy that she should've got with in the end. She had a child with this guy for a reason and kept it for a reason. Perhaps you were both too young when she conceived with you and that makes sense, hey her choice and I support that BUT I would tread very cautiously and don't let the butterflies in your stomach get the better of you. She was your mystery girl and how long will that allure last or how long till that mystery turns in to something else. I hope for the best for you but realize you have a lot of unanswered questions and hurdles that could potentially trip things up...Not to mention the other guy will always be in the picture and if he puts two and two together about you to and your past with each other...That'll be "fun" for everyone. As for the money thing, if she is understanding of that or not her actions will show. She'd rather do more "affordable" things or she'd encourage you to do better as opposed to dropping hints for things she'd like or have to do to goad you in to getting them as an example. But eventually as I learned the hard way women are only patient and understanding of things for so long and if it comes to a point where you can't deliver the goods you may be in for a shocker. Not trying to be a "Negative Nancy" but I am giving you perspective to look out for things while your head is with your heart and your other little head keeping you preoccupied.
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:05 AM   #6
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I don't know something just doesn't sit well...This isn't Hollywood where a great girl goes around dating a dick and is saved by the good guy that she should've got with in the end. She had a child with this guy for a reason and kept it for a reason. Perhaps you were both too young when she conceived with you and that makes sense, hey her choice and I support that BUT I would tread very cautiously and don't let the butterflies in your stomach get the better of you. She was your mystery girl and how long will that allure last or how long till that mystery turns in to something else. I hope for the best for you but realize you have a lot of unanswered questions and hurdles that could potentially trip things up...Not to mention the other guy will always be in the picture and if he puts two and two together about you to and your past with each other...That'll be "fun" for everyone. As for the money thing, if she is understanding of that or not her actions will show. She'd rather do more "affordable" things or she'd encourage you to do better as opposed to dropping hints for things she'd like or have to do to goad you in to getting them as an example. But eventually as I learned the hard way women are only patient and understanding of things for so long and if it comes to a point where you can't deliver the goods you may be in for a shocker. Not trying to be a "Negative Nancy" but I am giving you perspective to look out for things while your head is with your heart and your other little head keeping you preoccupied.
Alright, I didn't really think about some of this. I do still have a lot of unanswered questions. I think the best thing would be to sit down and have a serious discussion at this point. It's just really hard to let go of my feelings. And I am 100% thinking of this with my big head. Sex is good but that is the last thing im thinking about in this situation. The biggest question is should I hold out and try to make it worth regardless of distance? Or should I just part ways. I feel very stuck. Because one side of my wants to go for it and the other is nervious about that commitment BUT i still feel like its the right thing to do.
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:11 AM   #7
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Good luck.
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Old 07-31-2013, 10:22 AM   #8
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In short: run far, far away

I suspect your feelings stem from the novelty of getting back what you thought was lost. Objectively speaking, this girl should be setting off red flags left and right.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:06 AM   #9
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In short: run far, far away

I suspect your feelings stem from the novelty of getting back what you thought was lost. Objectively speaking, this girl should be setting off red flags left and right.
I'm with all of the above. Sorry man don't me to rain on your parade any, but two children with two different fathers with you coming in as possible number three....that just sounds like an episode of Maury to me.

The familiarity and nostalgia of it all might be influencing your mind, as well as the want to be the one to save her at the end of the day. Given your current situation and all the warning signs that come up for me the mindset I'd have is to not get yourself involved. By all means do as you want as the heart wants what the heart wants and I've never been someone to try and persuade anyone against that...just tread cautiously.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:12 AM   #10
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Does she know of your current financial decision?

I know that everything says run away and find a new girl but "love" is tough to leave behind. I always say that I could meet the perfect girl and if she had kids I'd be out but I don't know.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:16 AM   #11
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Does she know of your current financial decision?

I know that everything says run away and find a new girl but "love" is tough to leave behind. I always say that I could meet the perfect girl and if she had kids I'd be out but I don't know.
I don't think I'd run from a woman with kids either (..and I've dated a few and crushed pretty hard on one), especially in today's world where a lot of women are single mothers. I'm not trying to limit my dating pool like that.

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Old 07-31-2013, 11:29 AM   #12
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I don't think I'd run from a woman with kids either (..and I've dated a few and crushed pretty hard on one), especially in today's world where a lot of women are single mother's. I'm not trying to limit my dating pool like that.
I guess you're right. I still think like a 21 year old sometimes. I just think I want my first wife to have her first child with me.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:38 AM   #13
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I don't think I'd run from a woman with kids either (..and I've dated a few and crushed pretty hard on one), especially in today's world where a lot of women are single mother's. I'm not trying to limit my dating pool like that.
I don't have a problem dating girls who already have a child. I'm just much more cautious with that situation as there is more invested, well should be at least...some guys could give a sh!t. This isn't just you w/ a girl anymore and when you leave she's not the only one to feel the impact. If you hang around long enough it is only fair to think about the feelings of the kid as well. I was with a girl and made sure to be careful throughout but even after the first time meeting the little guy he asked her if I was new "dad"

However in OPs situation, I don't think I'd be ok with two kids w/ two different dads. There is a whole lot of emotion and individuals involved with a situation like that.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:45 AM   #14
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You're worried about money because you feel that's all you can give her at this point. She has kids, drama, and all of that, she just needs a money supply. You feel that's your way in. You're not going to listen, but this girl is a terrible choice for a guy your age. She knows you're mentally weak so she can tell you any little "but I love you and always will" BS and then move away. It's immature BS and you're too blinded by your own emotions to see it.

Wake up, walk away, and throw a quarter in a crowded bar and smash the one it hits, guaranteed a better choice than this one.
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Old 07-31-2013, 01:26 PM   #15
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Walk, no run away from this one before the "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" chants start.

Two kids with two different dads is asking for trouble in the long run.

Also, maybe suggest the pill to her? Seems like it could help.

Edit: Just saw that Idaho made a similar reference.

Oh and she seems pretty cute, sucks about all the drama.

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Old 07-31-2013, 01:31 PM   #16
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looks can deceive you from the truth. you are blinded with what you feel about her and you only see the part of her that supports your feelings. that would be the part where she says she wants to get back with you and she regret what she has done to you previously. step back and see everything. If you still feel the same way about her then so be it. You said to her previously that you do not want to be her sugar daddy, now that you're not financially stable, you want to be that? C'mon dude. If she really loves you then she doesn't need you in her life to be supporting her financially.
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Old 07-31-2013, 01:36 PM   #17
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run. not because she's a "single mom" but because she's crazy.
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Old 07-31-2013, 01:58 PM   #18
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run. not because she's a "single mom" but because she's crazy.
+10000, this girl has more drama than TNT. She left you in the first place is a blessing. Girls are kinda fock up this way. She was crazy, you were not so she left you for someone like her (crazy). The only reason you like her b/c it's easy sex, don't fall for that so easily. You don't want that kinda drama in your life.
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Old 07-31-2013, 02:00 PM   #19
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Side not OP, look into how to make your Photobucket private for images you post online.
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Old 07-31-2013, 02:08 PM   #20
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Wake up, walk away, and throw a quarter in a crowded bar and smash the one it hits, guaranteed a better choice than this one.


Where do you come up with this stuff? Love it!
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